Degree of Republican Number One:
What I Call Them: Cop-outs. (also acceptable: ex-hippies, who grew up, became conservative, stopped smoking dope but retained the cop-out attitude. Or they are religious, in which case they are Amish, Monks, Nuns, etc.) You will have to read to the end of this article to understand why they cop out.
What They Cannot Understand: Government is not perfect, because neither is society, but that is the very reason that good people have to be involved. If all the good people cop-out to avoid being polluted–or disappointed–by politics, only the bad (or misinformed) people will be left to run the government. They are natural Republican allies, but not of much use.
What They Want to Prove About Themselves: They are in the world, not of it. They are not polluted by the culture, “The Man”, the philosophy or the modernity of society.
How to Spot Them: They are non-political. They do not vote. They are uninformed about politics, and they take pride in that fact. They also wear funny clothes. It is good to know that they are out there, but they are not of much use to The Cause.
Where They Go Astray: Good intentions sometimes are not enough. You can indeed be too heavenly-minded to be any earthly good.
Degree of Republican Number Two:
What I Call Them: My Daddy was a Republican (Or my Hubby). (You also see a lot of Christians who have this attitude: My Family was Christian, so I am too).
What They Cannot Understand: It really is necessary to think for yourself and to adopt beliefs in which you, yourself really believe.
What They Want to Prove About Themselves: That they hold to the same philosophy/faith that their Daddy/Hubby/Church taught. Where They Go Astray: God gave you a brain—use it! And if you do not know enough about a topic, it is acceptable to say that you have not yet come to a conclusion on that particular issue. Then go out and edgeumakate educate yourself about that issue. Do not just parrot the conclusion of Daddy/Hubby/Church.
Degree of Republican Number Three:
What I Call Them: Libertarians.
What They Cannot Understand: They confuse “Liberty” with “Licentiousness.” Society devolves into chaos without certain rules and regulations. They don’t call it “civilization” for nothing. What They Want to Prove About Themselves: That they are so open-minded that anything that consenting adults do in private is fine by them. [Yeah, and most of libertarians smoke dope.] Where They Go Astray: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” They forget what made America great. Strong work ethic. Family values. Morals. And they buy into the liberal godless heathen belief that The Constitution forbids legislation based upon morals and beliefs based solely upon The Bible. This would shock the Founding Fathers who wrote The Declaration, The Constitution and The Bill of Rights. Besides, there were good reasons besides just morals and The Bible why our Forefathers put certain restrictions on behavior. Society “works” better if sex is confined within marriage of a man and a woman. Society “works” better if people are not left to do whatever they want, when they want it. Societies devolve to the lowest common denominator. Fast. And once a society devolves to the point where anything goes, anything goes. Bullfights? Check. Chariot races and Gladiators? Check. Burn Christians at the stake? Double check. Humans are animals? Check. Abortion? Check. Holocaust? Double check. These people are smart enough to realize that economic conservative is best because it works, but not quite smart enough to realize that social conservatism works because it, too, “works.”
Degree of Republican Number Four:
What I Call Them: Southern Democrats (whites only).
What They Cannot Understand: Racism really is a terrible thing. What They Want to Prove About Themselves: They are more Patriotic, God-fearing, self-reliant, and just better over-all than damn Yankees. To a large extent, I believe that this attitude is due to two things: they do not understand Yankees, and they have a chip on their shoulders—and rightly so—because so many damn Yankees don’t understand them, either. As a result too many of the damn Yankees falsely stereo-type them and then proceed to condemn the stereo-type. Even what I wrote after the “What they cannot stand” is a false stereo-type. Many ex-Southern Democrats flocked to the Republican Party decades ago, in large part due to racism. That caused a great exodus of southern blacks to the Democrat Party. But by and large these people today are salt of the earth people who are not racists. Many of the old ways are better, but not all of them. Where They Go Astray: What they (we, as I consider myself a transplanted member of this group. American by birth, come-here Virginian by the Grace of God) need to do is to really, really, seek out and destroy racism within the Republican Party. Not the false bullshit that Liberals claim to find as they continually cry “wolf” about non-existent racism within the Republican Party (can you say “Macaca”?), but real racism. Every last vestige of it. No David Dukes. Ever. Stay vigilant, my friends.
Degree of Republican Number Five:
What I Call Them: Crunchy Cons (not very original, I know)
What They Cannot Understand: Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire.
What They Want to Prove About Themselves: That they a “cool” Republicans. Let’s face it: being Republican is currently“uncool.” Where Where They Go Astray: They actually care what liberals think about them. They actually think liberals are reasonable, likeable persons who if treated civilly will eventually grow to like conservatives or listen to conservative ideas if they can only be showed how earth-conscience we really are, how “nice” we are, how polite and civil we are, how non-judgmental we are, blah blah blah. But these people by and large are gutless followers with just a little integrity. So they stick to some conservative principles, but get squishy on many, especially the hip trends and the hot-button issues that will really, really piss off their friends and neighbors and co-workers. And they take great delight in pissing on true conservatives. It gains them tremendous amounts of cred with their liberal buddies when they do so. These people have evolved this way as a defense mechanism—a means of coping with the fact that they live or work in areas with huge majorities of the population that are liberal. And let’s face it. Nobody likes to be hated, or to be an outcast. And that is exactly how liberals treat conservatives. You find this type in the New England area, in large cities. In liberal dominated occupations. They go submarine to survive. But at what price? They compromise their principles. Or their principles atrophy and abandoned as happened to Lot in Sodom and Gomorrah. These people need to grow a pair. Doing the right thing isn’t always the easiest thing. Or they need to move or change occupations.
Degree of Republican Number Six:
What I Call Them: Bible thumpers (The Moral Majority was taken)
What They Cannot Understand: Sometimes it isn’t enough to be correct if you are a dick while doing it. Ok, that was a bad choice of words. For I also consider myself to be appended to this group—I’m a back-sliddin’ Bible Thumper. They wear out-dated clothes, big hair, and are weirder than they have to be. It’s ok to be funny, to be (even marginally) cool. It’s ok to stand up for yourself, and to condemn ungodly heathen liberals.
What They Want to Prove About Themselves: That they hate the sin but love the sinner. Why bother? Liberals will never understand that concept. Where They Go Astray: They want to be “in the world, not of it.” They take Biblical principles and carry them to the nth degree and generally weird me out. Examples? Can’t watch any movie theatre, even a G rated one, because someone might see them but not know which movie they were going to see and think maybe, just maybe, they were watching the R-rated one instead of the PG-rated one. Can’t drink alcohol, even a drop, because “it might lead someone astray.” And Jesus didn’t really turn the water into wine, it was grape juice, wink wink. And women have to wear baggy shorts down past their knees, and not dance, and wear no make up, or jewelry, blah blah blah because doing so “might lead some man to have a sinful attitude.” As if men needed an excuse for that. I don’t doubt these people’s motives in the least. They are good people. I hesitate to point out their flaws—godless heathen and moronic liberals do a good enough job of that. But do you have to be totally un-cool just to make a point? All things in moderation. Work with me here. And another gripe about this group: They don’t fight back. They are worse than a man who enters the boxing ring after first tying both hands behind their back. Worse, even, if that were possible than George Bush—when it comes to defending themselves against the limitless supply of liberal attacks against them. Sometimes calling somebody a stupid fuck-head is the only proper response. The only satisfying response. Ok, don’t lower yourself to my level, I’ll do your bitch-slappin for ya’ll. But fight back a little, will ya?
Republican Degree Number Seven:
What I Call Them: Country Club Pubs (sheesh. It’s been a long day, ok? It’s not easy being original.)
What They Cannot Understand: The rest of the world hates them. (Except their mothers.) They really do. Envy, jealousy, whatever reason you want to assign as the reason. Or, it could be your insufferable attitude, the way you flaunt your wealth, even though probably you attained much or all of it from “Daddykins”—or from a trust fund. You are (often) godless heathen who look down your snooty noses at rednecks, hired help, working stiffs, people of color, people with less of anything than you. Sure, they vote Republican on fiscal issues, but only out of selfishness. They want to keep what Daddy or Great-Great Grand Daddy worked so hard to earn for them. But social issues? They run towards the ultra-liberal there. Because as I said, often these people are godless heathen. Who needs God when Daddy is a billionaire? There is a reason why Jesus said it is easier for a rich man to enter heaven than a camel to pass through an eye of a needle.
What They Want to Prove About Themselves: That they are better, more refined than other Republicans. And that they do not believe—ewwwww!—the same as social cons do in regards to social issues. Where They Go Astray: The reason Daddy or Great-Grand Daddy got rich so that you have all that money to spend is because of certain ethics and values that they had. And because they lived in the Greatest Country in The World. And their dumbfuck children forgot to pass along those ethics and morals and love of country to their spoiled children. So the children, like, uh, just think themselves to be, like, so awesome. And they do so utterly without reason.
Degree of Republican Number Eight:
What I Call Them: Perfect Republicans (not surprisingly this is the Degree to which I aspire but which I am utterly incapable of maintaining for more than a few seconds at a time).
What They Cannot Understand: Ugh, I can’t really think of anything that they don’t understand. They get it. They know how the world works, how society works, how the family works. Well, maybe they don’t get it about why so-called conservative politicians knife them in the back once they get to Washington or the state capital.
What They Want to Prove About Themselves: That they are smarter than the liberal idiots who deride them for their supposed stupidity. But, hey, let’s face it—that’s what liberals do to attack everybody. You guys and gals are perfect. Ignore those dirty bastards. You need not prove anything. Where They Go Astray: They don’t. They work hard. They are God-fearing, America loving, family oriented, hard working, kind, generous, Patriotic, and general all-around wonderful people. They are socially and fiscally conservative, but not over the top. These people are what caused me to become a Republican. They know what made America great and they fight to keep her great. The only problem? They. Just. Can’t. Find. A Perfect Republican to act as their elected official. Not in years. Hell, decades. Think back to the Founding Fathers. Maybe some since then. Not sure. But this frustration in finding one causes them to go ga-ga over any politician who even comes close. So they idolize an imperfect Ronald Reagan, and get their hopes up over an even more imperfect Sarah Palin. They hear the talk, they recognize one of their own, and they understand that imperfect though the speaker may be, they might not find another, this brand of Republican being so rare and all. But many can talk the talk. For some reason real true Perfect Republicans either can’t get elected or are too busy to run for office. Or they turn into Degree of Republicans Number Nine once elected.
Degree of Republican Number Nine:
What I Call Them: Republican elected officials
What They Cannot Understand: We really, really, really did not elect you to go to Washington or the state capital so that you could turn into a clone of a Democrat. Or into Democrat-lite. Or so that you could just take up space while you turned your back on the principles that caused us to vote for you in the first place.
What They Want to Prove About Themselves: That they aren’t really as bad as the liberal mainstream media says they are. (Ok, Jesse Helms was an exception. He fought, apparently without any concern of the liberals.) Where They Go Astray: I’m open to reason on this issue. I believe it is either—or a combination of both—of the following reasons. One, they fall victim to the same affliction as the Crunchy Cons: They want to be cool; they want to be hip; They want to avoid being viciously attacked by the media. Or two, they just get corrupted by power. They are afraid that they will not get re-elected if they don’t “moderate” their views. “Moderate” of course meaning to abandon their principles, abandon their campaign promises, abandon their base who worked so hard to get them elected. Power corrupts. Duh. And they get corrupted. So they read the polls, and become a weather vane instead of a leader. They pander. They wimp out. They lose their souls, lose touch with their roots. That’s why certain politicians who stick to their guns are so rare. And that is also why such rare politicians are so viciously attacked by liberals. And why such politicians are so rare, in a vicious circle sort of way. Liberals don’t want Perfect Republicans to succeed as elected officials. Liberals can’t stand losing. And they lose to Perfect Republicans, even those who just talk the talk, when they run. See, for example, the ass-whoopin that Ronald Reagan put on the Democrats. And he didn’t even walk the walk all that much. You wonder why they so viciously attack Sarah Palin? Now you know. She talks the talk. In her speeches, not her interviews. 😉
And finally, to close the loop on this circle of degrees of Republicans, a main reason why Republicans give up, cop-out, lose faith in the political system or abandon the Republican Party altogether is that the elected officials crap all over them once they get elected. Being Perfect Republicans is hard. Having your hopes dashed time after time after time, election after election, gets old. And causes some to become Monks or Nuns or whatever. To cop out. Don’t be that guy.
[Note: ALL of this was inspired by a great article about the Ten Terraces of Liberalism. I loved the article, and highly recommend it to all my leaders. And I wouldn’t have read it in the first place but for the fact that I am an avid fan of “The Other McCain.” But the idea behind that article is that there are ten terraces in the downward spiral that leads to liberal hell. I’m paraphrasing. That is why not all liberals are equally loathsome. Some have not yet traversed downward to the lowest terrace inhabited by the dailykos type of hellion that we know and despise. Of course, Republicans are not on a downward spiral, they are just wrong in a variety of ways, so instead of a downward spiral; I see it more as a circle. If the members of each group could just work on a few of their issues, they could join the Perfect Republican group.]