John Doe: “Welcome, Lowell, and thanks for taking the time to interview with me.”
Lowell: “No problem, my computer is down anyway, so I can’t get my talking points from the DNC anyway.”
JD: “Why do you need talking points?”
Lowell: [a bit defensively]: “I don’t neeeeeed them, I want them. More like that first cup of cafe’ mocha in the morning–skim milk, easy on the whip cream– and less like Linus’ blanket.”
JD: “What do the talking points say about Sotomayor’s comments in which she opined that she thought a Latina woman would more often than not make better decisions than white males?”
Lowell: “Well, as I said, my computer is down, so this may not be the most up-to-date talking points, but I’m sure the gist of it is that because she is a liberal, by very definition she gets a free pass for anything she says, no matter how stupid. Besides, she’s a “minority” and we don’t hold them to the same standard that we do white folk. And let’s not forget that women and Latinos in gereral are too fucking stupid to catch the distinction between attacking a Latina woman for the substance of something that she said as opposed to just attacking her in general. So we are going to paint all Republicans as racists and mysogynists if they even so much as say one word against what Ms. Sotomayor said.” [Here he gets this faggoty look on his face, as though he just thought of some new perversion, just invented, and is going to try it out on Our Hero.]
JD: “Ok, thanks for the interview. I gotta go.” [JD runs out of the room, pukes, and immediately washes his hands after remembering that he had inadvertently shaken hands with Lowell. Then he did it again. With the water turned as hot as possible.]
[Editor’s Note: The things that our intrepid reporter will go through for you, his loyal readers. And the doctors say that with a little penicillin and bed rest, that nasty disease that he caught during the interview will eventually go away. And, for you total morons, this is parody. Dint happen. Although it could have.]
Smash Mouth Politics 