The premise of this latest article is that we humans don’t need to breathe as often as we do. When we exhale, we emit that dreaded poison carbon dioxide, or CO2. And as we know, the EPA is going to regulate CO2 because it is a “greenhouse gas” which is killing our planet. Mother Jones has hit upon a novel solution: If we all, collectively, breathe less, we will exhale less CO2. And if we emit less CO2, global warming will slow or cease, and we can all live happily ever after.
From Mother Jones: ….”It is well recognized that humans can train themselves to hold their breath. David Blaine recently set a Guinness record by holding his breath for over 17 minutes in front of a live audience on the Oprah Winfrey Show. ‘An average person in good health can hold his breath for about two minutes, but with even small amounts of practice it is possible to increase that time dramatically. “The body can be trained,” explains Dr. Ralph Potkin, a pulmonary specialist who worked with Blaine in the weeks leading up to his recent feat.”
“People exhale carbon dioxide (the rate is approximately 1 kg per day or 2.3 lbs per day, and it depends strongly on the person’s activity level). If there are approximately 6.8 billion humans on the earth, collectively they would emit 6.8 billion kg per day, or 6.8 million metric tons per day. In a 365 day year, humans would produce 2.482 billion tons from breathing. This is killing our planet!”
….”Our solution? The government should institute the following steps immediately. First, force all heavy physical exertion activities to cease (or, alternatively, tax such activities). No more jogging, football, soccer, etc. Walking is all the exertion any human needs. Second, institute mandatory training of all citizens to learn how to hold their breath. Perhaps have collective periods of time set aside to all hold our breath at the same time, perhaps the beginning of every hour. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if worldwide all humans ceased breathing at once, for as long as possible? …And finally, we need to cease having children, and let the old people die….” Go read the entire whacky article at Mother Jones.