Monthly Archives: July 2011

The Deal Maker…Or Buying A Used Car

From our friend Richard Cash, a story about “buying a car”;

Dear Uncle Sam,I think you know we had an accident not too long ago that totaled our car. The insurance company gave us a rental car to use, and on the last day of the rental contract, the settlement check came through, so we went to buy a car.

The reason that I’m writing is that I had the strangest experience of my life trying to buy a car. You probably won’t believe what I’m about to tell you, but I figured I would write anyway. It’s very interesting, and who knows, you might even get a laugh out of it.

The wife and I went to a place called “Barry’s Used Cars.” There was a nice car out front, and I admit, it was kind of love at first sight. We knew we had to have this car, so we pulled in, and that’s where it all began.

It was about 2 pm when we got there, so we knew we had plenty of time to make a deal. After a few minutes we kind of looked around, expecting someone to greet us and start the process. It took a lot longer than it should have, but eventually a weathered old salesman named Harry came over.

We explained that we needed to make a deal that day and Harry said, “Great. I’m all about deal making.” When we asked the price, he hemmed and hawed a bit. Instead of giving us an answer, we all went for a test drive.

When we got back, we asked the price again. This time Harry didn’t flinch, but the number he gave was sky high. I told him I liked the car and gave him my own number, but we were far apart.

After a while, it became clear that we weren’t getting anywhere, so Harry said he would have to let Joe take over the negotiations. Joe was the VP of the operation, and a very friendly, back slapping kind of guy. By now it was 3 pm, and we figured the preliminaries were over, and Joe would close the deal.

But we didn’t get any further with him than we did with Harry. Whenever we tried to nail him down, he just smiled and told us how much the big boss wanted to make a deal. We talked and talked, and after a while it occurred to me that Joe wasn’t going to cut the deal either, he was just trying to wear us down.

However, Joe was real insistent that Barry wanted a deal that day, same as us. He kept going back and forth between Barry and us, but nothing was really getting done. Eventually, Joe said Barry was going to take over the negotiations and deal with us personally.

So Joe showed us to Barry’s office, and that’s where the fun really began. On first impression, Barry seemed like a real nice guy. He had a nice smile and a very earnest, sincere demeanor. He welcomed us into what he called his “private deal room” and said, “Let’s talk. I just love talking and negotiating.”

It was 4 pm by this time, and the place closed at 5, so I knew we had to make a deal pretty quick in order to get all the paperwork done. Silly me, I asked him, “What’s the bottom dollar on your car?” He smiled and said, “Boy, that is a great question. How much do you want to pay?”

By now I was getting frustrated, so I said kind of bluntly, “Well, you’re the President of this place, so you tell me, what’s the sale price, how much down, and how much a month?”  He talked for a few minutes about how nice the car was and how much he wanted to make a deal with me, and then he asked again, “How much are you willing to give for it?”

I couldn’t believe we were doing this backwards, but we really needed the car that day, so I wrote down my terms on a piece of paper and passed it to him. He glanced at it, set it to the side, and said with a smile, “You know, if we’re going to make a deal, you’re gonna have to eat your peas.”

I know, I know, you’re thinking, “What the heck?” Well, I didn’t know what he was talking about either, but before I could ask him, he says, “I’m going to have to kind of veto this offer, can you make another one?”

I kind of shook my head and said, “Well Barry, first of all, we’re doing this backwards. You should be the one laying out the specific terms here, and then I give you a counter offer if I don’t like it. But anyway, since you don’t like my offer, why don’t you write down your terms, and we’ll go from there.”

Barry crossed his hands in front of him, leaned forward, and got that earnest look again. He says, “Let me be perfectly clear. I must sell this car by 5 pm. Now what is your next offer?”

This was beginning to get a bit surreal. “No, what’s your offer?” I said.

This time Barry leaned back, looked at the ceiling, and said, “I don’t like millionaires, billionaires, and corporate jet owners. If you fall into any of those categories, you’re going to have to pay more.”

Well, it’s now 4:45 pm. I looked at Barry and said, “You beat all, you know that. We’re trying to make a deal and you’re talking in circles.”

The smile disappeared and Barry said, “Ok, here’s the deal. It’s almost 5 pm, you don’t have time to go anywhere else. You need to sweeten your offer right now so that you have time to call your bank and arrange financing. I know all about the rental car, and if you don’t make a deal today, you will owe fees and fines on it, and it might even affect your credit rating. So what’s it going to be?”

I thought for a moment, then said, “Barry, you are either a thug or you don’t know anything about making a deal. In either case, you are not going to strong arm me over a 5 pm crisis deadline that you have created, nor over my credit rating. I have given you a reasonable, written offer, something that you have refused to do. It’s no wonder this car has been sitting on your lot all year. Nobody can deal with you. Call me when you come to your senses.”

Cross posted to What Chaps My Ass and That Mr G Guy

Also from “Diogenes’ Middle Finger”

“The Earl of Ketchup” — I’d never seen that before, I love it.










And be sure to read far enough down the main page to read how Casey Anthony acts (and looks) like our President O’Dumbo.


Merit pay for politicians!

Somebody besides me is thinking outside the box about ways to control our out-of-control political elites. Read “No Politician Left Behind” at Diogenes’ Middle Finger. Not quite up to the standards of my shock collar idea, but probably more politically palatable.

The reaction by Nancy Pelosi is worth the click on the link:

“We have spent millions of dollars, some of it out of our own pockets, to get to Washington,” she said. “We did not come here to be treated like F**kin teachers!” 

National Debt explained so that even a nineteen year old (or a Senator) can understand it

Some tidbits to get you interested in an excellant article by Henry Percy at “The American Thinker:” 

“$4 trillion [the “savings” set forth in the “Gang of Six” plan] / 10 [years]= $400 billion per year (assuming that the cuts would be evenly spread, though we know they love to backload them in what they are fond of calling the “out years”). But the deficit is running $1.6 billion [sic–he means trillion]/ year. So the $4 trillion does not really even begin to get a handle on the problem. How about this for a headline: “Grand Bargain Leaves Deficits of $12 Trillion over 10 Years.” Think we’ll see that?”


“As you can see, I easily fumble the zeros. I’m sure the vast majority of the public does as well. So I looked up the numbers and translated them into something the average person can relate to.

“Let’s say you earn an even $100,000 per year, part of the 52% of Americans who pay taxes. You’ve got too much to qualify for food stamps or the Earned Income Tax Credit and other goodies, but you’re not rich either, driving an old car, definitely no corporate jet waiting for you at the airport.”

“But wait, why are you driving an old car? Why not a BMW? You deserve it. And a Lexus for the missus? And a vacation in Hawaii? Cruise in Europe? You’re wonderful, you deserve it all. Soon you’re spending $150,000 per year. It’s not hard, because you, not the bankers, set your own credit card limit.” [a little sarcasm there]

“After a couple years the missus [that would be we Tea Baggers] gets nervous, says maybe, just maybe you should cut back. You’re indignant: you have to have transportation, are you expected to drive an old clunker? And you need to relax; you’d be a nervous wreck without getaways to far-off places.” [go read the rest, I’ve stolen enough.]

Obama’s idea of “fairness”

Imagine an armed gang that stole money from a few, took much for themselves and their friends, and then promised to give some and more in the future to others who did not own it.  Alas, the armed gang is caught, and forced to pay restitution. The “we don’t have the money anymore, we spent it, and we gave it away” excuse wouldn’t fly. And especially the excuse that “we promised to give even more money in the future when we steal more” would not fly. Imagine trying to argue with a straight face that it isn’t fair to make the burden fall solely on those who were promised ill-gotten gain in the future, so it’s only “fair” to make those who were stolen from to allow a little more theft in order for the thieves to make good on their promises.  What an absurd example, John! Nobody in their right mind would make such an argument.  Well, I never claimed Obama was in his right mind, but he makes the “argument.”

Obama claims that it “isn’t fair” for the rich to not have to sacrifice a little when we ask others to “sacrifice.”  Oops. Only problem is that one group is “sacrificing” something that they did not pay for. They are “sacrificing” Christmas presents from the government that they did not earn and do not deserve.  Comparing spending cuts to taxes is like comparing the gift recipients with the gift givers. Imagine the recipient bitching and moaning that the gift giver did not spend enough money (or thought or time) on the gift.  Or whining and moaning if the gifts were not as big as promised by a third-party (elected officials), or as big as expected, or even as big as imagined. 

But we live in a fucked up political system.  People are promised goodies by their elected officials.  Elected officials have no constraints on them. Promise the world, then worry about the deficits later, always later.

The only “fair” thing would be for all elected officials who promise constituents goodies that we can’t afford would be for them to be voted out of office (or worse, see previous post).  When Obama talks about “fairness,” grab your wallet.


Perhaps we need to go Islamo-facist terrorist on them?

As in “go postal” on them, except in addition ad the terrorists’ organizational skills.  What?!! Is John drunk blogging again?? Sadly, no. I’m totally sober (for the moment).  But hear me out. 

The problem, as I see it, is that our political system is broke.  On the one hand, we have liberal congressmen from liberal districts that just don’t care–they want to increase deficit spending. It is the opium of the masses that keeps re-electing them.  On the other, we have conservative representatives from conservative districts who swear up and down that they will not raise taxes and lower spending. Then they get into the swamp known as “inside the beltway” and suddenly they weaken in the knee, they bend to the lamestream media, the bow to the Establishment, and they break their vows and agree to increase spending money that we don’t have.  Then there are the moderates, who are too stupid to breed, in my opinion.  End result, we are screwed.

We tried, we really tried, going the traditional route to take back our country, with the tea parties and the town hall meetings and with electing a whole slew of freshman conservative Republicans to the House. And what has it gotten us? Zip. Zilch. Empty douchebag.

I put my well-known intellectual prowess into solving the problem.  My solution? Our leaders have to be taught to fear us.  Not just patronize us and lie to us and tell us what they think we want to hear and then do what the hell they want to do. I mean real, primal fear.

My initial thought is that we need to shoot some of them.  Not just one or two, randomly.  Nope, a whole slew of them.  Imagine, if you will, a bunch of newly elected officials who just took a big vote on a bill to increase deficit spending.  They are hailed in the press. The talk shows adore them for being leaders and ignoring what those rubes back home want. Then the first time they tritty-trot back to their districts, boom.  Not one, not two, not three, but dozens of them are taken out by patriots who resolved to give their lives for our country. 

The problem with lone gunmen is that people just call them crazy and ignore them (well, most of them are crazy). Speaking of crazy, Islamofacists are crazy. But you know what? People don’t fuck with them. The masses fear them.  The lamestream media licks their boots. People are afraid to say anything negative about that pedophile prophet of theirs out of fear for their lives.  It’s wrong when the camel buggerers do it for their idiotic reasons. It’s not wrong when you are doing your patriotic duty to save America.

How would this scheme work?  A few thousand patriots could swear secret allegiance, prepare and then sit back and wait anonymously. Sort of like the terrorist cells do. Try to fit in with society. Pretend to be a liberal immoral idiot so that you don’t stand out. Sure, they should warn the elected officials before the vote. But the pigs in Washington won’t believe them.  Then BLAM! They who survived would believe them the next time, and they would fear the ones who were not caught or who did not have to, ahem, take out their elected official because he or she voted to cut, not increase, spending.

Three or four waves of such assassinations should get the message across. And, like the terrorists, the patriots could then take credit when lone wolf crazy assassins go postal (as they did at first with this Norwegian crazy).  Soon, people would be looking under piles of hay and behind doors and under the bed for the patriots that probably are not within a hundred miles of them. The end result, our representatives would stop spending our children’s’ and our grandchildren’s money to give people something now that they did not earn or deserve.

Too extreme, you say? Not politically correct. I’m open to suggestions. This new show about the alien invasion gave me a couple of alternative plans.  One, surgically implant shock collars on the newly elected officials.  They get three chances. The first time they vote to increase spending, they get knocked on their ass. The second, to the hospital, and the third, to the morgue. Methinks spending would decrease precipitously.

Too extreme still you say?  Okay, fall back plan. As the “skitterers” do, steal their children.  As soon as the election is certified, steal their children. As many as possible. The mere threat to harm the kids should be enough to keep them in line. Heck, maybe they would even self-impose term limits when they miss their kids. And while they are in possession of the kidnappers, they could be taught conservative values.  Who can argue that the kids will be worse off than living the spoiled life of a Congressman or Senator’s son or daughter. The world would be better off without a few Al Gores and Kennedys (and Bushes) children. 

Still too harsh? Not politically correct? Not cool to be talking such smack so close to the Norway shootings and the Arizona shootings, blah blah blah?  Well, shit, this world has so many shootings, if you wait an acceptable period of time we’ll all be dead before there is a lull in mayhem.  Besides, you got a better idea?  Tarring and feathering, perhaps? Okay, I’m all ears…

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.  Can anybody really argue that we haven’t traded one tyrant across the pond for a few hundred across the country?

Spontaneous Regeneration! Neutered man re-grows a pair of gonads in middle age

A man presumed to have been neutered suddenly appears to have grown another pair! Or else ALL of our assumptions were just flat wrong:

Boehner recounted to participants on the call what he told Obama.

“As I read the Constitution, the Congress writes the laws and you get to decide what you want to sign,” Boehner said, recounting what he told the president, according to two sources.

Read more:

Somewhere in an American military cemetary

Reasons to love France

Don’t listen to the “experts”