Lowell Folk, flaming asshole

As a service to our readers, we offer a guest commentator who gives advice to the general public

Back by popular demand John Doe’s decree, it’s some more of “Ask Uncle Lowell, the Progressvie A**hole!”  Complete with his Democrap Cheerleaders’ outfit and pom poms!

Dear Uncle Lowell: Why do those dirty bastard conservatives insist on speaking out even though we demonize them? Don’t they know that they do not have any business disagreeing with we Progressives? Can we kill them all? Or at least make it illegal to speak if you are a conservative, especially if you espouse conservative points of view?!  Sincerely, “Under the Spell of My Marxist Professors!”

Uncle Lowell: Dear “Under the Spell,” I do like the cut of your gib! Some professor somewhere certainly needs to be applauded. No, we can’t kill conservatives yet. But your other ideas are being advanced with great dispatch. Ever heard of “The Fairness Doctrine” and “hate speech”?  That is what we dirty little hippies, as John Doe calls us, are doing to try to stifle conservatives. Anything that they say that disagrees with our communist agenda, why we simply decree that it is “hate speech” and we ban it.  And we soon will have the government regulate all that conservative speech on the radio.  It’s not enough that we control 90% of the media.  The people still are not accepting our message, so we have to control all of it! 

Dear Uncle Lowell, Why are we allowing Sarah Palin, Glen Beck and all those Tea Partiers to speak their minds?  I thought we got rid of them?! Signed, All Your Little Face Book Nincompoop Friends!

Uncle Lowell: Dear Nincompoop Friends, we are trying to get rid of them! We are attacking them and trying to blame them for the murders by that crazy guy out in Arizona!  Help us by keeping up the attack!  You guys aren’t called nincompoops for nothing! 

Dear Uncle Lowell: Why is it that you fear freedom? What part of “Congress Shall Make No Law Respecting Freedom of Speech” that you asshole Progressives don’t understand? John in Virginia Las Vegas.

Uncle Lowell: Dear John, freedom is over-rated. Why, if The People are allowed to listen to whatever and whomever that they choose, Progressive ideas are usually soundly defeated at the polls. “The People” don’t know what is good for them and have to be treated as children. We self-appointed “elites” know better than they do what is best for them.

Dear Uncle Lowell, why do you Progressives blame the shooting by that crazy guy on Sarah Palin, Glen Beck, The Tea Party, and so-called “hateful rhetoric”? After all, there is no hint that loon ever listened to any of them or was influenced in the least by any rhetoric.  And why do you Progressives want to pass new laws to prevent such incidents in the future? Isn’t it ALREADY illegal to murder? And wasn’t it you Progressives who made it illegal to institutionalize crazy people until they proved to be a threat to society? Isn’t a crazy person by very definition a threat to society because they do not act sanely?  A crazy person is prone to do crazy things! Signed, Lipton TB, lost somewhere in America.

Dear LTB: Silly boy, you just don’t understand we Progressives. We don’t care about facts! If the facts are against us, and they normally are, we just lie and make up new facts. And we aren’t in favor of freedom, unless it is for crazy people. All you conservatives are not really crazy, so you don’t get freedoms. And we advocate new laws to further curtail freedoms after every tragedy. That’s how we operate! The less freedom for all you great un-washed chumps living in flyover country, the greater license to steal and plunder our Progressive lawmakers will have.  (And by the way LTB, all your friends here at Smash Mouth Politics miss you!)

2 responses to “Lowell Folk, flaming asshole

  1. I started reading the comments on those previous “Uncle Lowells. The conversation between you, Lowell and Francois was very entertaining and enlightening. I will say though that the pseudo anarchist, Francois, was a bit of a twit and didn’t really understand the true meaning of anarchism.

    An anarchist doesn’t believe in authority in any manner, shape or form. In an anarchist world, you would find that it really is a “dog eat dog” world and the person or persons with the biggest teeth wins. If you believe in evolution, then you would know that when Humans first started walking erect, there was anarchism of sorts. If you were bigger than the guy in the cave down the mountain from you and you wanted his stuff, you just went down there and took it. Therefore, in Man’s evolution, he found that by banding with his neighbors and cooperating with them, he could protect his property better with help from his neighbors than he could by himself.

    There are five or six ancient religions, ( Islam doesn’t count as an ancient religion because it didn’t come into existence until well after the birth of Jesus Christ.), and it seems that they all have the same basic tenants. Even a rudimentary study of any of these religions, whether it be Taoism, Buddhism, or the beliefs of the Native Americans , among others, is that there are ten basic laws or commandments. The Ten Commandments are a good example and all of the other ancient religions have the same beliefs, even though they might be worded slightly different. I tried to look up anarchists in the bible, but the only thing I came up with is a reference in 2 Thessalonians 2 The Message. I’m not sure if the passage refers to an anarchist or if it refers to the Anti-Christ. Either way, according to the text, the anarchist is a tool of Satan.

    Just some thoughts to ponder, Mike

  2. How about in (I think it was) the book of Judges, “and every man did what was right in his own eyes”? That may not be the exact quote, but over and over again the Israelis would thusly stray from obeying God, God would allow the neighboring bad guys to torment them, and then the Israelis would repent and cry out to God for a deliverer. God would deliver them via a person such as Sampson. Once freed, they would resort to “every man doing what was right in his own eyes” again and the cycle would repeat. That to me is the very definition of anarchy.

    What I think is right, and what Mike thinks is right, and what Darth and Doug and NeoVic and LTB (and prolly even Gramps) 🙂 thinks is right will usually be quite close with little variation. But when you throw in all the quacks and jerks and morons, and toss in all the down right evil people in the world, the definition of what is “right” devolves into the lowest common denominator.

    I’m not generally a law and order type of guy because I trust Government (I DON’T) or because I am a goody-two-shoes (I’m NOT), it’s because I am so bad. I can see myself doing some terribly shitty things, despite knowing that I shouldn’t, and so I assume others are similarly wired, and thus conclude that we all need certain basic laws, with punishment to back them up, to keep us in line, or we would quickly devolve into anarchy. In a nutshell, that’s where I come from. I accept certain limited Government because the alternative is even worse.

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