As a service to our readers, we offer a guest commentator who gives advice to the general public
popular demand John Doe’s decree, it’s some more of “Ask Uncle Lowell, the Progressvie A**hole!” Complete with his Democrap Cheerleaders’ outfit and pom poms!
Dear Uncle Lowell: Why do those dirty bastard conservatives insist on speaking out even though we demonize them? Don’t they know that they do not have any business disagreeing with we Progressives? Can we kill them all? Or at least make it illegal to speak if you are a conservative, especially if you espouse conservative points of view?! Sincerely, “Under the Spell of My Marxist Professors!”
Uncle Lowell: Dear “Under the Spell,” I do like the cut of your gib! Some professor somewhere certainly needs to be applauded. No, we can’t kill conservatives yet. But your other ideas are being advanced with great dispatch. Ever heard of “The Fairness Doctrine” and “hate speech”? That is what we dirty little hippies, as John Doe calls us, are doing to try to stifle conservatives. Anything that they say that disagrees with our communist agenda, why we simply decree that it is “hate speech” and we ban it. And we soon will have the government regulate all that conservative speech on the radio. It’s not enough that we control 90% of the media. The people still are not accepting our message, so we have to control all of it!
Dear Uncle Lowell, Why are we allowing Sarah Palin, Glen Beck and all those Tea Partiers to speak their minds? I thought we got rid of them?! Signed, All Your Little Face Book Nincompoop Friends!
Uncle Lowell: Dear Nincompoop Friends, we are trying to get rid of them! We are attacking them and trying to blame them for the murders by that crazy guy out in Arizona! Help us by keeping up the attack! You guys aren’t called nincompoops for nothing!
Dear Uncle Lowell: Why is it that you fear freedom? What part of “Congress Shall Make No Law Respecting Freedom of Speech” that you asshole Progressives don’t understand? John in
Virginia Las Vegas.
Uncle Lowell: Dear John, freedom is over-rated. Why, if The People are allowed to listen to whatever and whomever that they choose, Progressive ideas are usually soundly defeated at the polls. “The People” don’t know what is good for them and have to be treated as children. We self-appointed “elites” know better than they do what is best for them.
Dear Uncle Lowell, why do you Progressives blame the shooting by that crazy guy on Sarah Palin, Glen Beck, The Tea Party, and so-called “hateful rhetoric”? After all, there is no hint that loon ever listened to any of them or was influenced in the least by any rhetoric. And why do you Progressives want to pass new laws to prevent such incidents in the future? Isn’t it ALREADY illegal to murder? And wasn’t it you Progressives who made it illegal to institutionalize crazy people until they proved to be a threat to society? Isn’t a crazy person by very definition a threat to society because they do not act sanely? A crazy person is prone to do crazy things! Signed, Lipton TB, lost somewhere in America.
Dear LTB: Silly boy, you just don’t understand we Progressives. We don’t care about facts! If the facts are against us, and they normally are, we just lie and make up new facts. And we aren’t in favor of freedom, unless it is for crazy people. All you conservatives are not really crazy, so you don’t get freedoms. And we advocate new laws to further curtail freedoms after every tragedy. That’s how we operate! The less freedom for all you great un-washed chumps living in flyover country, the greater license to steal and plunder our Progressive lawmakers will have. (And by the way LTB, all your friends here at Smash Mouth Politics miss you!)