Two thangs the Cubans taught me…

While I was a sign painter in Miami circa 1984, after graduation, before going to Winston-Salem for law school:

1. Drank your expresso out of leetle cups (think white cups for ketchup from Wendy’s) wiff lots of sugar.

2. Eat your sardines wiff lots of mustard and onions on bread or crackers.

What else you wanna know?

J. V.

A Newbies Impression of Vegas…

Cocktail waitresses are about what I expected. Over-siliconed, over-paid, and oh, the drinks are short on alcohol.

The poker games can get one to react as a buck rabbit who has been tossed into a cage with a bunch of does: relax, buck, there will be time for that. Take it a day at a time.

The weather is better than Richmond, Va, worse than Miami, Fl, and a zillion times better than Flint, Michigan.  Ummm, that ain’t saying much about the Flint thang.

The. Absolute. Worst. Thing. Is when somebody says something, anything, negative.  I’ve learned that I can play poker with most of the lower level peons. What I can’t do is play with anybody when I listen to the naysayers and the “experts” who tell me it can’t be done.

Poker is like the story about the grizzly who was charging two guys. One stopped to tie on his running shoes. The other said, “What are you doing? You CAN’T out run a grizzly!!”

The other (poker player) replied: “I don’t have to. I just have to out run you.”

I don’t have to out-play Michael “The Grinder” Mizrachi  or Daniel Negreanu, I just have to out-play the slightly drunk pharmacist from Akron, Ohio who calls too much with top pair, weak kicker. 😉

J. V.

FREE LTB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or “Amber Alert.” Or some fuc#ing thing. Anybody else feel helpless?! Like our buddy needs us and we ain’t doing diddly squat to help him? Come on, puhleeeeeze, how many jobs can you imagine that do not allow you to at least phone home? The Chilean miners have been released. The astronauts in Florida ain’t been blasted off yet. They are even towing dat ship back to port. Come the hell on, LTB, quit keeping us in suspense.  Does Fidel haff ewe cap sured? Are you running wiff da bulls in Pamplona? Are you doing the laundry for the USA women’s soccer team (hats off to ya if true)? Heck, some of the best of us run off and do crazy things, just axe The Mrs. Tell us. Or give us a clue.  I have no job and no future, I’ll go find you and halp you. 

Your buddy, John

Things I’ve learned while living in an Extended Stay Hotel

1.  I don’t need 1/100 of all the shit I’ve accumulated in the past 52 years.

2. All that matters is family and friends.  When in doubt, see Rule No. 2.

3. A person can be truly happy even though only owning the possessions that will fit in a Mitsubishi Spyder convertible (damaged by hitting a button buck on the way home after 2:00 a.m. from a poker game). 

4.  A wife who puts up with your short-comings and peccadilloes is worth her weight in gold or silver.

5. A man who loves what he does will never work a day in his life.  Ugh, and the man who hates his work will be miserable until he finally grows a pair and stops doing what he hates and instead moves to Las Vegas or [fill in the blank] and starts to do what he loves instead of what he hates.

6. Marrying the right, wonderful, perfect (almost) wife overcomes many most of one’s shortcomings.

7. Clothes washed in the sink and hung out to dry in the bathroom save you $8.00 or more per load. Sure, they are little stiff and wrinkled, but Joseph will get you an iron if you axe him nicely. 

8. Sure, the neighborhood ain’t the greatest, but “Ooley” [spelling unknown] seems to be a great guy, and the hookers walking the street are just trying to survive, so get over it.

9. I don’t need, a whole lot of money…I don’t need a big fancy car…

Ok, this one goes out to “The Mrs”–yeah, as you’ve all suspected, that really was The Mrs.

ARTIST: John Ellison
TITLE: Some Kind of Wonderful
Lyrics and Chords

I don’t need a whole lot of money
I don’t need a big, fine car
I got everything that a man could want
I got more than I could ask for

Johnny Vegassssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Lions over the Bills

Sell the farm. Sell the cows. Sell the milk. Axe permission first, but then put it all on da Lions. -3 at da Bills. This, from a guy who put his first and only hungy on da Lions last week.  (I’ve been mentally puttin a hungy on them all season, and woulda coulda shoulda won all bets cept the Minnesota game). Do it. You will not be disappointed.

Johnny Vegas

U.S. gives Palestinian Authority $150 Million

Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me!? Let the god-damned Arabs with all their oil money support those terrorist bastards.  Are. You. Fucking. Kiddding. Me!???

The USA just borrowed money from the Chinese, money that our grandchildren will have to pay back, to support a terrorist organization bent on the destruction of Isreal.  Somebody shoot the bastard(s) who are responsible, PLEASE!