Daily Archives: October 14, 2010

Ready-Made Excuses

Even as late as my youth, when a politician was caught screwing the secretary or stealing the petty cash he generally resigned immediately and left town in disgrace.  Now?  Everyone has a problem, and addiction, an excuse.  I highlighted an example awhile back.  The most fabulous case is Philanderer-in-Chief Clinton, who kept his job and his wife despite his weird and creepy gropings with an intern.  Since then, between the Oprahs and the therapists there has been a concerted attempt to explain bad behavior and attribute it to some external, uncontrollable factor.  The following is  provided as a field guide to the “Something made me do it!” excuse.  To get the proper effect, when you see a politician or other public figure talking like this, the appropriate response is:


It was a private matter between two consenting adults! Everybody lies about sex! It wasn’t sex it was just oral gratification! It depends on what the meaning of “is” is! I did not have sex or not-sex, whether video, audio or photographic, with that woman! It’s an addiction, a medical problem that I can’t be punished for under the Americans With Disabilities Act! PTSD! My brother’s serious illness caused me so much stress that I didn’t know what I was doing! It was an epileptic seizure/insulin reaction/change in my Elavil/Prozac prescription! It was a blood sugar spiking problem! I was sending the pic to a buddy and accidentally hit “reply all”! It’s a Vast right-Wing Conspiracy to discredit me because the Democrats are about to lose the House! I’m a victim of child abuse, psychological abuse or self-abuse! The extreme amount of overtime required by my job caused a chemical deficiency of serotonin! I have a wide stance! Sleep driving! Sex addiction, food addiction, porn addiction!

When this guy

said, “I’m a victim of soicumtances!” everybody laughed.  Somehow it’s become serious.