Thong Thief Thwarted!

Try thaying that thwee thymes!  Michigan State University student is facing criminal charges for stealing 79 pairs of panties. 

The man told police it was a prank and denied having a sex addiction.” 

Dude, stealing a pair or two, I could see that as a prank.  But 79 different pairs.  That took a lot of work, sicko.  Get help.

Could this morph into some sicko Rule 5 Saturday post?!! Oh, what evil lurks inside the mind of John Doe!? You regulars know the answer to those two questions…

Thong Mom

Dude, we here at Smash Mouth are sympathetic to your plight. But 79 stolen pairs?  Theriously! Theek Therapy Tweatment!  Here, let us help.  Take a good long gander at the following photos.  Then pray to God that you don’t accidentally steal some dude’s thong next time you sicko! 

This. Is. WRONG.

Our official policy here at Smash Mouth (I haven’t consulted with all our readers and decision makers, I’m just hoping that they all concur) on thongs is that we approve of them for women, but we have a strict policy for men that says we pull our undies out of our cracks, we certainly never intentionally wear anything that is designed to go into our butt cracks. 

You, yes. YOU! Hell nooooo!

We also strongly disapprove of women wearing thongs once you have reached a certain, shall we say, critical mass.  Or if your legs look like a mixture of cauliflower and cottage cheese. 

Girls, if you have to ask...

We have no position on whether animals do or do not wear thongs.  But dude, if you steal panties, don’t steal them from the zoo…

Meh.

 

Still not cured you pervert?  Go hang out on South Beach in Miami.  Just look.  Can’t afford to go there? Here, go see “Thongday” where they put up a new picture each day and you can even vote on your favorite.  Below is my quick choice from the few that I saw … 

Hope dis halps!

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