If President Obama was Frank Beamer, giving a speech to the Va Tech football team before the next bowl game

I know the other team expects us to field eleven men on defense. 

DOH!

I’m sending six.  I know the captain of the offense told me that we need all eleven men on offense, but I’m only sending eight.  Who needs a tight end or a fullback or a flanker anyway? I. Am. The Coach.  You guys in the field don’t call the shots, I do.  Sure, if all we wanted to do was win, I’d send in eleven guys. I’d even try to get in an extra couple per side if I could and not get caught.  But I am Coach.

I have bigger issues to worry about than just winning.  Some of our boosters made big bets on the game. If we win by too many points, they will be disappointed. Others, supposed “athletic boosters” and allegedly big fans of Virginia Tech football actually made wagers that we would lose. So, yeah, they want us to lose. 

Don’t you worry about it. Let me worry about it. I’ll keep them happy, so that I don’t get fired, or get a pay-cut.  I know that you guys are the best football team in America, and that you will try your hardest, and give it your all.  And hey, if our quarterback gets killed because we didn’t have our tight end to block that blitzing safety, or because we didn’t have our fullback to double team their beast of a defensive tackle, it won’t be my fault.  I’m just doing what George Soros tells me to do!

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