Daily Archives: October 31, 2009

NY-23 as seen from the perspective of the GOP bosses

This is a stream of consciousness as to how the Republican party bosses view the recent conservative rebellion in the NY-23 race, and Dede Scozzafava’s decision* to suspend her campaign:

Oh shit!  The inmates are in control of the asylum. Conservatives out-number us by a vast majority.  Up until now, we’ve been able to control them as a jockey does a thoroughbred.  With a bit in their mouth, a firm grip on the reins, and a heavy hand on the whip when necessary.  But this NY-23 fiasco has exposed us as weak and ineffectual.  And has allowed them to realize that they have the ability to spit out the bit, tear off the reins, throw their rider and run free without our control. They just don’t know it yet.”

“Don’t panic.  Don’t act as though this is a momentus occasion that could shake our party to its foundations.  Pretend that we have shifted our support to Doug Hoffman (that rebellius bastard!) and act as though we wholeheartedly support his candidacy.  Ha!  We’d cut out his gizzard if we could get away with it.  He had the temerity to defy our edict and the audacity to switch parties.  And now apparently he has the momentum to win the race.”

“But don’t panic.  Act normal.  Shower him with kindness, make him beholden to us.  Turn him into another starry-eyed freshman Representative who does exactly what we want, when we want it. Give him the perks, the power, the prestige. Show him how to behave, what he must do in order to avoid the wrath of the mainstream media.  Turn him to the dark side (that rebellious bastard).”

“And Newt Gingrich (that worthless bastard) has got to go.  We always used him in the past as our “go-to” token conservative, to turn the radicals in the asylum, gently, slowly, to our way of thinking, without them realizing that is what we were doing.  His usefulness as our tool is OVAH! Let him go back to his joint appearances with Hillary, or whatever he did before he crawled out from wherever he’s been the past few years.  But make him go away. We sure as hell don’t like him, we never did, and now that he has alienated the conservative wing of our party, he is no longer necessary. Be gone Newt.”

“Let us fix our eyes on the conservative leaders (those rebellious 006_Al_Caponebastards) who jumped ship and supported Doug Hoffman early on, before it became apparent that he had a chance. [In our best impression of  Robert De Niro as Al Capone voice:] Sarah Palin!? We want her dead!  Tim Pawlenty!!? DEAD! Dick Armey? DEAD! George Pataki!!? He’s a dead man!   Steve Forbes!? History!” Continue reading