Monthly Archives: August 2009

Take the Racist Quiz! The Definitive way to know if YOU ARE A RACIST!

1. Are you a Republican? 

       A. No! You still might be a racist. Go to 2 or 3 below

       B.  Yes?  You probably are a racist.

       C.  Even though a Republican, did you vote for Obama?

               i) No?  You are a racist. Unless yer black, Uncle Tom.

               ii) Yes?      But do you support him 100%?

                              a) NO? RACIST!

                             b) Yes? Maybe not a racist, but we are watching                                     Bub! Donate to ACORN–NOW–or get called a racist!

 

2. Are you a Democrat? Yes.

     A.  Did you vote for Obama?

              i) No? Racist! Unless you are black, Uncle Tom.

              ii) Yes? But do you still support him 100%?

                      a) no? Racist! Or Uncle Tom.

                       b) yes? Good, now donate to ACORN. IMMEDIATELY

3.  Are you independent? See 2 above. AND DONATE A DOUBLE PORTION TO ACORN KOMRADES!

Brought to you by the Life Time Emperor of Cuba!  Inspired by John Stossel’s blog.

All you right-wing racists leave my homie alone!

All you right-wing racists leave my homie alone!

How do you KNOW Willie isn't Castro? Have you ever seen them together?

How do you KNOW Willie isn't Castro? Have you ever seen them together?

UPDATE 9/24/09:  Black and Right shows that great minds DO think alike!

Quote of the day

 

Chris Stirewalt: “When the leader of the free world is complaining about a posting on the former governor of Alaska’s Facebook page, he’s got problems.”
barack_obama_crying

Scotland grants amnesty to a murderer

Glass Cow, Scotland: The Scotch (aged 12 years) yesterday granted amnesty to convicted murderer Theodore Kennedy because of his age and his advancing brain cancer. “We just din wan da fat bastard dyin on air watch,” clan leader Ian McKoontash claimed. “True, he drank more Scotch than anna man alive, but that dain’t excuse his crime”

Mr. Kennedy, formerly of Massachusetts, U.S.A. was convicted decades ago of driving while under the influence of Scotch, driving his car off a bridge and into a tidal pool, where he left his paramour to sufficate while he ran off to concoct an alibi.

Once released by the authorities, Kennedy returned home to Massachusetts, where he was allegedly hailed as a hero by  President Obama, and used as a prop to try to sell ObamaCare.  President Obama said: “It was the right thing to do. Teddy is the Lying of the Senate who has pinched every ass in Massachusetts at least once, and has made a Senator Sandwich of 1/2 the babes in Boston.  That kind of experience is too invaluable to leave in a jail in Scottland.”

Sales of “The Teddy Kennedy” in Massachusetts bars have skyrocketed since his release.  Mix a lot of Scotch and a little salt water, drink until somebody dies.

How ObamaCare seeks to partner with God

B.O.H.I.C.A.

B.O.H.I.C.A.

ObamaCare will tell you what you can eat, and drink, and smoke, and how much you can weigh. After all, since we are all in this together, we all have a vested interest in keeping the citizens healthy.

ObamaCare will tell you what procedures you can have, how soon you can have them, or if you can have them. You–TOO OLD! You, over there, TOO FAT!  You, yeah you— too Republican. Unless of course you want an abortion–abortions free for all!

ObamaCare will further bloat Government (more unionized government workers = more thugs to keep voting for Democrats).  The post office in charge of your health care–what could go wrong?

Where does God fit in you ask? First, it allows Obama to falsely play upon the consciences of those who believe in God. Obama doesn’t, he just pretends. But he argues “support ObamaCare for the children” and because “that’s what Jesus would do.”  And Second, when rationing comes, and you are too old or too feeble or too [insert whatever reason the Government invents], then your only option will be to pray to God for help because ObamaCare ain’t going to do a damn thing for you. 

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

p.s. My own little rift, inspired by the incomparable IOWAHAWK.

Top Arguments in favor of ObamaCare!

Trust me!

Trust me!

If you oppose ObamaCare, you are a racist! Or a teabagger! Or part of the vast right-wing conspiracy!

Jesus would support ObamaCare!

All those Canadians and Cubans can’t be wrong!

If you oppose ObamaCare, you must be bought and paid for by the evil drug companies! Or you have been brainwashed by the evil insurance

You love me!

You love me!

companies!  Or you are just too dumb to know what is good for you!

If you oppose ObamaCare, you must not have seen Michael Moore’s “Sicko”! Or worse, you must not have believed it!

If you oppose ObamaCare, you must “have” yours, and now you oppose those less privileged the chance to get theirs!

Umm, ugh, ummm,

Umm, ugh, ummm,

Why do you trust the Government with your mail, with building your roads (see NoVa), and with National Security (see CIA leaks), but not with your body? No, wait, I mean, ugh, uhm, WILL SOMEBODY FIX MY DAMN TELEPROMPTER?

Hurricane Camille

I was 12.  Great read about it here.

 

The Conservative Football “Power Rankings”

1. Rush–A god among men.  Does not sit back and play defense–takes the game to the enemy. The Pittsburgh Steelers of Conservatives. Liberal assaults have proven ineffective against him for years. Able to withstand even Presidential onslaughts. Rush IS right. You know he is.

2. Michelle Malkin–A goddess among men. Great offense, stout defense, adequate special teams.  The only way to defeat her is if Tom Brady blows out his knee again. They can’t demonize her, isolate her, or marginalize her. So I IDOLOLIZE HER!  Beauty. Brains. Edumacation. SaWEEEEEEET!

3. Mark Levine–They don’t call him “The Great One” for nothing. Puts tremendous pressure on the opposing QB. His “Get off my phone ya big jerk” [should be all caps] is unstoppable. Like the old Packer sweep, or the old USC “student body right” it can’t be stopped. Has the brains of Peyton Manning, and the body of Jason Alexander.

4. Ann Coulter–sometimes called “She hate me” because she’s soooo good.  Has all the right moves, pushes all the right buttons. The Adrian Peterson of Conservatives: Able to take it to the house on every play. But occasionally fumble prone.

5.  Sarah Palin–The San Diego Chargers of Conservatives. The moves, agility and grace of  LaDainian Tomlinson. The physical presence of Antonio Gates. The Heir Apparent of “The Gipper.”  Only her inexperience, or an injury, will hold her back.

6.  S. C. Sen. Jim DeMint: 3d year journeyman whose stats so far have been unimpressive is expected to have a break out year.  Good hands, excellant speed, but does he have the heart?

7. Mark Steyn: past his prime, the Brett Farve of conservatives, but Great is still Great.

8.  Andy McCarthy: Cream. Rises. To the top.

9.  Stacey “The Other” McCain: But for the history (the band, the Mullet, the Speedo, etc. ad nauseum), in my best Boomer imitation: “HE COULD…GO…ALL…THE…WAY!!!

10. Glenn Beck: recent injuries to key players could limit the upside to this team. Although when healthy, this team matches up extremely well to anything that the liberals can throw at them.

Leave YOUR nominations for “The Conservative Football “Power Rankings.  Who knows? This drunken sailor wannabe might change the rankings  by necks weaks bay be.

Also from the Daily Dispatch, 1861

In the want ads, beside a crude stick figure with a bag thrown over his shoulder walking:

“$20 Reward:  I will pay $20 reward for the return of my negro man “Washington” who left my house in the lower end of Henrico Co. on the morning of the 17th without leave or provocation. Washington is about 5′ 8″ or 9″, very black, with very white teeth, and smiles very pleasantly when spoken to. He will probably have a forged pass in his possession as he can read and write…”  L.S. Courtney

Weird. I just love reading through the old newspapers at the Richmond City Library (on microfiche).  Back before Virginia seceded, the newspaper was calling Abraham Lincoln a monkey, before he won.  Some things never change…

From the Richmond Daily Dispatch

Saturday, 1/12/1861:

The Senate [Virginia] was called to order at 12 o’clock by the President.  Prayer by Rev. Dr. J. L. Burrows, of the Baptist Church. Then it goes on to detail what the Senate did for the day…

1/19/1861:

Ditto. Prayer by Rev. Mr. Munnegerod of St. Paul’s Church.

1/21/1861:

Ditto. Prayer by Rev. Mr. Reach of the Presbyterian Church.

1/30/1861:

Ditto. Prayer by Rev. J. A. Duncan of Broad Street Methodist. Continue reading

Great George Will article on why online poker should be legalized

In The Washington Post. This should convince those of  you who don’t like poker. Poker is a game of skill, not a game of chance. You libertarians who don’t play poker: Do you really want the government forbidding something that happens between consenting adults and which does not harm them? For you Big Government liberals, do you really want to outlaw something that could be taxed and regulated? To you prudes, show me where the Bible says gambling is a sin. (Note: I have played online poker in the past, but do  not play it anymore for personal reasons, so I have no dog in the fight.)

Just FYI, Virginia does not outlaw playing poker at private residences, just at public places, and private places that have a liquor license could arguably lose their license if they permit poker playing on the premises.  And any gambling debt or agreement is unenforcable in a court of law. In other words, if you lend somebody money, or they lose money to you in a gambling endeavor, you cannot force them to repay you in a court of law.  Nobody that I know would fail to pay a gambling debt, but just so you know, cuz a group of people got together to pool their money for the lottery. A ticket won, the guy who bought the ticket refused to pay for his mates, and the Virginia Supreme Court refused to make him share with them.