Washington, DC (AP) HB2496 2009 will make Scotch the official liquor of the United States in honor of Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, D-Mass. Sen. Kennedy was a well known heavy-drinker and Scotch was his poison of choice. Said Sen. Byrd, D-WV: “What better way to honor the lyin’ of the Senate, than to, ugh, umm. What was I saying?”
Republicans were quickly branded racists and hatemongerors for pointing out that Kentucky bourbon was more “American” than a liquor that can only be original if made in Scotland.
Sen. Dodd, D-Conn, remarked: “I’ll never forget some of those ‘waitress sandwiches’ that me and the Big Fella made with waitresses. I have such a man-crush on Teddy that this is my way of honoring him.”
Teddy’s favorite drink? Chivas Scotch, aged 12 years, mixed with a little murky water and a splash of Oldsmobile.
p.s. According to the best information available, Sen. Kennedy hasn’t had a drink in almost a week.