Honor Senator Kennedy! Pass this bill in honor of Teddy!

He had no morals or scruples in life. Why NOT take advantage of his death?

He had no morals or scruples in life. Why NOT take advantage of his death?

Washington, DC (AP) HB2496 2009 will make Scotch the official liquor of the United States in honor of Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, D-Mass.  Sen. Kennedy was a well known heavy-drinker and Scotch was his poison of choice.  Said Sen. Byrd, D-WV: “What better way to honor the lyin’ of the Senate, than to, ugh, umm. What was I saying?”

Republicans were quickly branded racists and hatemongerors for pointing out that Kentucky bourbon was more “American” than a liquor that can only be original if made in Scotland. 

Sen. Dodd, D-Conn, remarked: “I’ll never forget some of those ‘waitress sandwiches’ that me and the Big Fella made with waitresses.  I have such a man-crush on Teddy that this is my way of honoring  him.”

Teddy’s favorite drink? Chivas Scotch, aged 12 years, mixed with a little murky water and a splash of Oldsmobile.  

p.s. According to the best information available, Sen. Kennedy hasn’t had a drink in almost a week.

2 responses to “Honor Senator Kennedy! Pass this bill in honor of Teddy!

  1. Watching George W. Bush at the funeral of Teddy Kennedy on Saturday was, to say the very least, amusing. It’s always great fun to witness the members of the vast right wing conspiracy confronted head-on with the theological flaws that are inherent in their philosophy. Watching that event with my pal, Kevin Swanwick, we both were mesmerized and just slightly overjoyed to be reminded yet again that the basic tenets of Liberalism are in perfect harmony with our Christianity – our Catholicism: feed the hungry, shelter the poor and clothe the naked. Oh, how I wish the camera would have cut to Bush’s face the moment he was confronted with the most famous line (and justly so) from the Gospel according to Matthew:

    “I tell you this: whatever you did to the least of these brothers of mine, you did to me.”

    Jesus of Nazareth

    One can only imagine how uncomfortable that passage from the scriptures must have made him feel. Or how about the Sermon on the Mount?

    “Blessed are the peace makers
    For they shall be called Sons of God.”

    I imagine being confronted with the words of Jesus Christ might make old George just a tad uneasy. The prayers that were offered up by the youngest members of the Kennedy clan, in Teddy’s own words, were the most touching part of the entire day:

    “That human beings be measured not by what they cannot do. That quality health care becomes a fundamental right and not a privilege. That old policies of race and gender die away. That newcomers be accepted, no matter their color or place of birth. That the nation stand united against violence, hate and war. That the work begins anew, and the dream lives on. We pray to the Lord.”

    Lord hear our prayer.

    After the mass had ended, and Kevin and I headed into town to get a cup of coffee, I was almost stunned by the good cheer I felt. Ted Kennedy’s funeral was truly a joyous event. Truth be told, it was damned-near therapeutic! The politics of joy as opposed to the politics of fear. There ain’t nothin’ like it in the world, Baby!

    The stark contrasts between the ideals of the Progressive movement and the right wing’s backwards and greedy ideology were out in public Saturday for all to compare and contrast at Our Lady of Perpetual Comfort Church in Boston. The differences were so obvious, you could not have missed them had you tried.


    Tom Degan
    Goshen, NY

  2. Tom, thank you for your reply. I too believe that what so ever you do for the least of these, you’ve done for me. But where I disagree with you is when you take money that does not belong to you, and do it for the “least of these.” Liberalism is all about taking from others and giving to those who have nothing. Teddy Kennedy was a fat drunk who never worked a day in his life, who got his political start off the coattails of his brothers, and who made a political fortune off giving money that didn’t belong to him to others. Notice Teddy and all the Kennedys are filthy rich? Notice they don’t give their OWN money to charity?

    Progressives are too ignorant to know that human nature wants a helping hand, not a hand out. Progressives fervently believed that they were helping by giving welfare to the poor. They still haven’t accepted the blame for eslaving entire generations of the poor in a cycle of unwed children having children in order to get on welfare.

    If it makes you feel better to call conservatives greedy, knock yourself out. SHOW ME just how liberal you are with your own money, then we’ll talk about who is and who isn’t greedy.

    p.s. It was therapeutic for me that the old murdering bastard finally croaked. He was a despicable human being, and I am not surprised that a “progressive” would celebrate how he lived.

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