Daily Archives: August 26, 2009

A Tribute to Teddy Kennedy

From GQ:

Brasserie I: In December 1985, just before he announced he would run for president in 1988, Kennedy allegedly manhandled a pretty young woman employed as a Brasserie waitress. The woman, Carla Gaviglio, declined to be quoted in this article, but says the following account, a similar version of which first appeared in Penthouse last year, is full and accurate:

It is after midnight and Kennedy and Dodd are just finishing up a long dinner in a private room on the first floor of the restaurant’s annex. They are drunk. Their dates, two very young blondes, leave the table to go to the bathroom. (The dates are drunk too. “They’d always get their girls very, very drunk,” says a former Brasserie waitress.) Betty Loh, who served the foursome, also leaves the room. Raymond Campet, the co-owner of La Brasserie, tells Gaviglio the senators want to see her.

As Gaviglio enters the room, the six-foot-two, 225-plus-pound Kennedy grabs the five-foot-three, 103-pound waitress and throws her on the table. She lands on her back, scattering crystal, plates and cutlery and the lit candles. Several glasses and a crystal candlestick are broken. Kennedy then picks her up from the table and throws her on Dodd, who is sprawled in a chair. With Gaviglio on Dodd’s lap, Kennedy jumps on top and begins rubbing his genital area against hers, supporting his weight on the arms of the chair. As he is doing this, Loh enters the room. She and Gaviglio both scream, drawing one or two dishwashers. Startled, Kennedy leaps up. He laughs. Bruised, shaken and angry over what she considered a sexual assault, Gaviglio runs from the room. Kennedy, Dodd and their dates leave shortly thereafter, following a friendly argument between the senators over the check.

Whose side are liberals on? It’s a fair question

From The Politico: “It’s bullshit. It’s disgraceful. You wonder which side they’re on,” he said of the attorney general’s move, which he described as a “declaration of war against the CIA, and against common sense.” Continue reading

Obama appoints Jimmy Hoffa Jr. as Surgeon General

Li'l Jimmy's poppa would be proud!

Li'l Jimmy's poppa would be proud!

Teamsters union president Jimmy Hoffa Jr. has been appointed to replace that fat woman who was previously appointed as Surgeon General. 

President Obama exclaimed that Mr. Hoffa was exquisitely qualified for the position.  “He may not be an M.D., but he knows all about breaking legs, and he knows where the bodies are buried. And, hey, it made as much sense as appointing Denis Hughes, president of the New York state branch of the AFL-CIO, as the chairman of the Federal Reserve Board of New York’s private-sector board of directors.” 

[You dumb fuckers who voted for this chump sorry yet?]

Gov. of Massachusetts supports changing the law to appoint new Senator

BOSTON (AP) Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick said Wednesday he would support changing state law to allow him to appoint any old drunk fat bastard off the street as an interim successor to Sen. Edward Kennedy’s seat while a special election is held.

“Massachusetts needs two voices” in the Senate, Patrick said. “We’ve had a fat drunken bastard in the seat so long that the good citizens of our fair Commonwealth won’t know what to do without one as their Senator.  At first I considered appointing a moron, but then I forgot that we already have the United State’s first moron as our other Senator, the VIETNAM VET Senator John Kerry Heinz.”

Ted Kennedy, original draft dodger?

Highlights of his life

1950: Enters Harvard. Is expelled after he is caught paying a friend to take a Spanish exam for him.

1951: Enlists in the US army, assigned honour guard at supreme headquarters of the allied powers in Europe, in Paris. His political connections keep him out of the Korean war. Discharged in 1953 as a private first class, he re-enters Harvard.  While he was sitting on his ass in Paris, my father was fighting in Korea. He wasn’t ‘no fortunate son.’

1969: On 18 July, Kennedy drives off a bridge on Chappaquiddick Island, in Martha’s Vineyard, Massachusetts. His lone passenger, 28-year-old Mary Jo Kopechne, drowns. Kennedy leaves the scene and does not call the authorities until after Kopechne’s body is discovered the following day, after a 10-hour delay. The judge in the inquest – held in camera – rules that Kennedy “was probably guilty of criminal conduct”, but made no move to indict him.

1981: In January, Ted and Joan announce their intention to divorce, which is granted the following year.

1950-2009: Drinks like a fish, womanizes like male whore, and votes in favor of every socialist and anti-American bill ever invented. 

…”It ain’t me, it ain’t me, I ain’t no senator’s son, son.
It ain’t me, it ain’t me; I ain’t no fortunate one, no,

Some folks are born silver spoon in hand,
Lord, don’t they help themselves, oh.
But when the taxman comes to the door,
Lord, the house looks like a rummage sale, yes…”

John Fogerty, Creedance Clearwater Revival

Why didn’t Teddy Kennedy go to Canada for health care?

The Compassion of the IRS


The Efficiency of the DMV


The Stupidity of Obamacare

A couple of instant classics!

Is Caster Semenya a woman?

If you have to ask...there could be a problem.

If you have to ask...there could be a problem.

Janet Reno asks “What’s the big deal?”

Sometimes Janet asks herself that question too.

Sometimes Janet asks herself that question too.

The real Janet is on the, uh, ummm, right?

The real Janet is on the, uh, ummm, right?

In loving memory of Teddy Kennedy

Teddy Kennedy: End of Drinkalot

Scotch-makers all over Scotland are in mourning today over the death of the number one consumer of their product, Sir Teddy Kennedy.

“They just donna make ’em like Teddy no more!” Said Angus Dewars.  “He was as smooth as a single malt aged eighteen years in oak barrels when it a came to makin’ a Senatah sandwich with Senatah Dodd!”

Wallace Glenfiddich was morose: “I”m a not goin’ ta keed youuu! Thees weel deestroy are bottum line. Wee may even have ta go bankruupt!  The man drank like a feesh!”  

The Right Honourable Alex Salmond, the First Minister of Scottland proclaimed from The Bute House in Edinburgh that the next week would be an official day of mourning for all good Scottish people all over the world. 

Don't drink and legislate, kids!

Don't drink and legislate, kids!