Is Doug Mataconis a REAL lawyer? Seriously. Or, “FUCK ALL Y’ALL WHO CALL US ‘BIRTHERS’ CRAZY.”

[UPDATE July 29, 2009: What the American Mainstream Press refused to publicize about one of the early male influences in Barack Obama’s life. He had a communist pedophile as a mentor, aka “Uncle Frank.” ]

First, anybody else notice? Dumbass Dougie posted like 22 freakin posts today? What lawyer has that amount of time to blog?

But more seriously, the dude doesn’t seem to have a clue about logic or facts. He thinks a) because he is satisfied that Obama was really born in Hawaii that somehow anybody else who is skeptical is therefore nuts; and b) because [fill in the blank, Bill O’Reilly, The National Review, Congress, some dumbass in bumfuckistan, whomever] agrees with him, therefore  he must be correct.

Please, permit me to show you how a REAL lawyer examines the issue of whether or not Obama was born in Hawaii.  Let’s pretend I’m some schmuck’s lawyer who is suing some private citizen (say, Barack H. Obama, Esquire, Chicago Illinois) and as part of his claim Mr. Schmuck has to prove that Mr. Obama was not born in Hawaii (can’t imagine how that would ever come up but bear with me). 

 I’d first get my money up front in the form of an exhorbitant retainer, say $50,000.  Dumbass Doug probably doesn’t even know what a retainer is. But I digress.)

I’d then request that Mr. Obama produce a copy of his original birth certificate and any other documents that he claims tend to prove that he was born in Hawaii.  If  he produced the short version of his birth certificate, as has President Obama, I’d be impressed.  But I’d also ask to see the long form of the birth certificate, which President Obama has not produced. (By the way, I’ve read it reported both that the long form has been destroyed long ago and is no longer in the possession of Hawaiian officials, and that Hawaiian officials have seen the long term birth certificate and can confirm it conclusively is genuine and shows Obama was born in Hawaii. Hopefully, those of you who are smarter than Dumbass Dougie will realize both those claims cannot be true.) 

If Mr. Obama had the Secretary of State and the Governor vouch for him that he really has a long form birth certificate, that they have seen it, and it is real, I would not be impressed (as they have in President Obama’s case). I’d question their motives. Dude or Dudette, you are Democrats. Obama is a Democrat. You wouldn’t admit that he really wasn’t born in Hawaii, and you have a motive to lie about it. Just show me the long form birth certificate, and let that be the end of it, OK?  NO? You won’t show it to me? Then I don’t believe you. How hard is it? As President of the United States, President Obama Can. Make. It. Happen. 

The fact that Mr. Obama ain’t makin it happen makes me suspicious, that’s all I’m sayin. I ain’t takin some Democrap politician’s word for it. The fact that you are hiring lawyers to defend these “birther” suits against you, rather than just producing the damn long form makes me VERY suspicious. When in doubt, rational people do the simplest and easiest thing to defend themselves. They. Would. Produce. The Long Form Birth Certificate. 

The fact that President Obama has not produced the long form birth certificate tells me one of three things must be true.  Either 1) Obama is a genius and he just avoids doing the simplest thing that would end all this nonsense because he wants to toy with us skeptical people, and make us look ridiculous; or 2) he is hiding something; or 3) he is a fucking moron, too stupid to just produce the long form birth certificate.  None of those alternatives is pretty.

Yeah, yeah, I know, there are not one, but two contemporaneous “birth announcements” in local Hawaiian newspapers announcing his birth. Yeah, yeah, I know, that is very impressive evidence, almost impossible to fabricate. But you see, I’m a natural born skeptic, especially when a client has paid me a $50,000 retainer. That, and I remember when I graduated from College and Law School, my devoted parents put Graduation notices in their local paper. Though I lived hundreds of miles away, my “graduation notice” was put in their local paper.  I’d like to know more about how those birth announcements were put in the paper. Did Obama’s justly proud grand parents put it in there to announce the birth of their first grand child, even though he was born thousands of miles away? Were Obama’s parents visiting Kenya and he just happened to be born there? Or did the paper just grab the info from the local government official, only posting the births of babies born in Hawaii?

I know, I know, this could be silly, but hey, how freakin hard could it be to just answer a couple of questions? I’m not some knuckle dragger who would never believe no matter what.  Especially when the questions I’m asking are not that difficult to answer. But when freaks like Doug Mataconis and the President’s press secretary start  ridiculing those of us who are skeptical, while President Obama obfuscates rather than providing simple answers, it makes my skepticism increase rather than decrease.  Kool Aid drinkers, and dumbfucks such as Doug Mataconis, have never thought this deeply about whether Obama was really born in Hawaii.  Don’t be that dumbass.

4 responses to “Is Doug Mataconis a REAL lawyer? Seriously. Or, “FUCK ALL Y’ALL WHO CALL US ‘BIRTHERS’ CRAZY.”

  1. Here’s Obama’s dilemma in a nutshell (READ VERY CAREFULLY AND DIGEST):

    If BHO shows his original long form birth certificate, indeed showing he was born in Hawaii, it will also show his father was American citizen, Frank Marshall Davis, not the Kenyan/British citizen, Barack Obama Sr. While that would allow Barack Jr. to be POTUS eligible as BOTH a “citizen”/“native born citizen” AND an Article 2 “natural born citizen” — that is, born to two American citizens on American soil — it would simultaneously show he is a fraud hiding his real father — an unacceptable political debacle.

    If, on the other hand, BHO keeps hiding his original long form birth certificate — while simply repeating, without showing, he was born in Hawaii — he can still CLAIM BOTH he was born in Hawaii AND his father was the Kenyan/British Barack Obama Sr. This would enable Barack Jr. to claim he’s a “citizen”/“native born citizen” but it would mean (if a federal court would ever get around to declaring and thus far no one has standing to bring the suit) that he’s NOT an Article 2 “natural born citizen” and thus not eligible to be POTUS — a legal/constitutional debacle since all acts under an illegal POTUS are void.

    So it seems, BHO has elected option one until forced to go option two because for now it looks like no federal court will ever find a plaintiff with standing. (Of course, there’s the additional issue of BHO losing American citizen status if/when he became an Indonesian citizen — that is, IF he returned and was naturalized he would be a legal citizen, but would lose both native and natural born status, and, IF he returned and was not naturalized, he would be an illegal immigrant unlawfully in this country — but we’ll leave that for another day.)

  2. Dude, I SAID that I am a lawyer, not a conspiracy theorist or a nutcase who believes anything without proof. While I think everybody should read the article from the Telegraph that I am adding to the article in an Update, I believe it is possible but not likely that Obama’s father was Frank Davis. Show me proof. Hell, show me any evidence that even tickles my suspicion. Bare accusations don’t cut it. After all these years, I see no reason for Obama to continue to lie about who his father was. I see plenty of reason for him to lie about not being born in Kenya.

  3. Man. You are a bull goose looney.

  4. Bite. Me.

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