President Obama’s campaign promises redux

Imagine if Obama campaigned by telling the truth!

“I will immediately travel abroad and apologize for America to every country I visit. I’ll scrape and bow to the Saudi leader. The only country I’ll alienate will be Israel.  When a south American socialist leader attempts to emulate Chavez by becoming a dictator for life, and his country overthrows him–I’ll side with the socialist dictator.”

“Although I condemned George Bush’s policies regarding the war on terror, I’ll not deviate from them in the least. I’ll keep the inmates in Guantanimo, I’ll keep the troops in Iraq as long as it takes.  I will continue to use remote controlled bombs to assassinate suspected al Qaeda troops. Or wedding parties.  No, wait, I will increase the number of troops in Afghanistan. I will tell all the world that no matter what we will never use harsh interrogations on suspected terrorists again. Rest easy my friends.  I’ll tell the world that America isn’t a Christian nation. But that we are the “third largest Islamic nation.” 

“I’ll borrow and spend money that we don’t have so much faster than Bush and the Republicans did that I’ll make them look miserly.  I’ll take over entire industries, and put my Chicago thug buddies, and Goldman Sacks crooks in all the high places.  You can trust them!  I’ll cheat the people who loaned money to the automakers out of their fair share and give it to the UAW thugs who ran those companies into the ground (Hey, don’t blame me. I support those who supported me.)”  

“Best of all, I’ll raise every damn one of your taxes. A lot! Nobody is exempt! Cigarettes, health insurance, income taxes. Well, at first I’ll give you a crappy little $14 a month income tax cut.  Then I’ll blast a new hole in your ass! Won’t that be fun?”

“No worries, though–I’ll nominate so many tax cheats to my cabinet that when they all come clean and pay their fair share the GDP will jump a full percentage point!  I’ll pass a porkulus spending bill, just to give all the money to my political supporters! I’ll take   try to take over 1/5 of the U.S. economy by claiming that our health care system is “in a crisis.”   I’ll nominate some communist buddy who can’t even speak proper English for the Supreme Court!  I’ll appoint so many Czars–who are unaccountable to anybody but me–that even I can’t remember them all.”

“Well, at least America will finally be said to have moved beyond race if I am elected, right? Unless one of my buddies gets hassled by the cops.  Or unless the Black Panthers get investigated for election day intimidation.” 

[John McCain isn’t looking so bad now, is he you morons who voted for Obama?  Can we have a “do-over”?  Let the Republicans nominate any half-way decent candidate besides Dumbass John McCain, and let the American people know what they know now about PeeBo, and the Republican wins by a landslide.]

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