Daily Archives: July 27, 2009

Confessions of a blog-whore

I sometimes publish brilliant articles, and nobody notices.

I enjoy the pleasant surprise when some article that I’ve spent less than ten minutes on becomes a big hit and garners much attention.

I’ll take hits any way I can get them. Even if it is because one of my articles has a photo of Mickey Mouse in a birthday hat (no, really), or some joke of an article contains the magic words “Gates 911 Tape revealed.”

I’m jealous that “The Other McCain” routinely links to that asshole “Dumbass Dougie Mataconis” who is a flaming liberal but has never noticed my wonderful body of work.  Ok, it also makes me question Mr. McCain’s sanity.  How can one person who seems so wise make such a dumb decision?

I secretly believe that I have yet to be discovered, and that when I am discovered, I’ll be a famous blogger.  (I also wear my “Superman” T-shirt to bed each night.)

I enjoy getting responses from trolls. Better notice from trolls than nobody.

Sometimes I believe that important people read my blog. Either that or they have my brain waves wired and can read my mind.  Then I put on my tinfoil cap, and I just think that they read my blog.

p.s. If you can read this, tell my wife that I have been involuntarily committed for 48 hours in the “Psych Ward” at Virginia Commonwealth University Hospital (a.k.a. MCV Hospital) in Richmond, Virginia. TIA.

I’ll support queers in the military when every Legislator first gets a blood transfusion from a queer

I’ve been giving blood for years. One of the FIRST questions that they ask is something like this if you are a man: “Have you EVER had sex with a man since 1977.”  Hmmm. Now why would they axe that, Alice? Because homosexual activity puts a person’s blood at high risk to transmit HIV/AIDS.  I assume (without any facts to support it) that G.I.s occasionally are called upon to donate blood to comrades, especially in times of crisis.  And also, medics and comrades in the field are occasionally called upon to administer first aid to fellow wounded G.I.s.  None of our warriers should have to think twice about some fairy who is in the foxhole with him.  Period, end of story.   Continue reading

President Obama’s campaign promises redux

Imagine if Obama campaigned by telling the truth!

“I will immediately travel abroad and apologize for America to every country I visit. I’ll scrape and bow to the Saudi leader. The only country I’ll alienate will be Israel.  When a south American socialist leader attempts to emulate Chavez by becoming a dictator for life, and his country overthrows him–I’ll side with the socialist dictator.”

“Although I condemned George Bush’s policies regarding the war on terror, I’ll not deviate from them in the least. I’ll keep the inmates in Guantanimo, I’ll keep the troops in Iraq as long as it takes.  I will continue to use remote controlled bombs to assassinate suspected al Qaeda troops. Or wedding parties.  No, wait, I will increase the number of troops in Afghanistan. I will tell all the world that no matter what we will never use harsh interrogations on suspected terrorists again. Rest easy my friends.  I’ll tell the world that America isn’t a Christian nation. But that we are the “third largest Islamic nation.” 

“I’ll borrow and spend money that we don’t have so much faster than Bush and the Republicans did that I’ll make them look miserly.  I’ll take over entire industries, and put my Chicago thug buddies, and Goldman Sacks crooks in all the high places.  You can trust them!  I’ll cheat the people who loaned money to the automakers out of their fair share and give it to the UAW thugs who ran those companies into the ground (Hey, don’t blame me. I support those who supported me.)”  

“Best of all, I’ll raise every damn one of your taxes. A lot! Nobody is exempt! Cigarettes, health insurance, income taxes. Well, at first I’ll give you a crappy little $14 a month income tax cut.  Then I’ll blast a new hole in your ass! Won’t that be fun?” Continue reading

HOW freakin old am I?

"1957 Ghia Chrysler Diablo"

"1957 Ghia Chrysler Diablo"

I was less than a week old the last time the Detroit Lions won the NFL Championship!  Notice almost all the men attending the game wore Fedora’s? Notice the what we would now consider classic autos driving by in first few seconds of the tape? And Jim Brown was a rookie that year! Continue reading