A.P. July 13, 2009: President Obama has withdrawn his nomination of Sonya SotomaYOR. In her place he has nominated Generalisimo Raul Castro, brother and heir apparent of Cuban brutal Dictator Benevolent Leader Fidel Castro. The American Bar Association has already given Gen. Castro its highest rating, calling him “Most Qualified.”
Republican Senators concede that they do not have the votes to stop his confirmation, now that Sen. Franken has stolen the election from that boob Norm Coleman. Besides, as one anonymous Republican strategist noted, “We would get our butts kicked next election if we opposed the first ever hispanic nominee. This is a truly historic event.”
Senator Harry Reid gloated: “This just shows how powerful we Democrats are, and how weak the Republicans are. President Obama in one bold stroke painted them into the corner. They can’t oppose a hispanic nominee, and we get the Supreme Court Justice that our left-wing constituents really wanted. Sure, Generalissimo Castro is old, but by the time he dies, we will have solidified our hold on the country formerly to be known as The United States of America such that it won’t matter who we appoint next time.”
Speaker of the House Pelosi was equally elated. When asked her
opinion of why not one single Republican Senator would oppose Gen. Castro, she admitted that “both parties believe that hispanics are inherently unable to distinguish opposition to a bad nominee from opposition to a good nominee–Sotomayor, Castro, even if Obama had nominated the martyred Che Guevara, the hispanic people would never forgive Republicans for opposing a hispanic nominee.”
Only a few far right-wing crackpot radio personalities opposed this fine nomination, questioning whether it was proper to nominate the future Benevolent Leader of Cuba to the U.S. Supreme Court, but their comments were quickly denounced as racist by both political parties.