Anonymous Play-by-Play Analyst:
“First and ten. The ball is snapped, Pelosi gets the handoff, she cuts outside, she claims that the CIA never briefed her on ‘enhanced interrogation,’ the MSM eats it up. She streaks up the field for a twenty-yard gain. First down!”
John Doe: “Nice move by Pelosi. She probably thinks that the CIA will not be so bold as to contradict the Speaker of the House of Representatives, third in line to United States Presidential succession. I gotta hand it to her, though I despise her, that was a nice move. Nice, and ballsy!”
APA: “The ball is snapped, it’s handed off to Pelosi again, she is streaking for the sidelines! Wait! The CIA anonymously leaks through and tackles her for a 15 yard losssssss! They claim that she WAS briefed about “enhanced interrogation!”
John Doe: [in his best Keith Jackson imitation:] “Whooooah Nellie!” Pelosi got slobber-knockered! The CIA fought back hard. Those corn-raised, corn-fed big ole tough farmboys just called Pelosi a liar! I couldn’t get which un-named source or sources leaked through the line to sack Pelosi, but that was a magnificent play! This is turning out to be one of the all-time All-Times! God Bless America, and whoever it was that leaked the truth!”
APA: “Now, now, John, don’t let this digress into a situation where you are too much of a ‘homer’–keep your color analysis un-biased…It’s second down and and 25 yards to go. The CIA leak has put team Anti-American Scum in a deep hole. Evidently, Pelosi has taken a hard hit and is slow to get up. She may have to leave the field. The ball is snapped, again the handoff to Pelosi, she limps toward the line of scrimmage. Again, she is tackled for another loss! This time by various Republican members of the House of Representatives! They claim that if Pelosi has proof that ‘The CIA lied’ then she should produce it, otherwise it means that she lied, not the CIA! Third down and 50 yards to go.”
John Doe: “About damn time! Where did those wimpy Republican Representatives come from? Pelosi was rumblin, bumblin and stumblin, and along came the Pubs. I thought they were neutered by Election 2008, and that their cajones were fried and fricasseed by the Obama Admin! I didn’t even know any Republicans were still on America’s Team. Anyway, it looks to me like Pelosi’s goose is cooked. She sure is a gamer, though. She’s playing hurt. I’m guessing that if she doesn’t go to the side-lines to seek help from the trainer, team Anti-American Scum is going to continue to be unable to move the ball!”
APA: “The ball is snapped, AGAIN it’s handed to Pelosi. Oh, oh! She limps to the sidelines and steps out of bounds behind the line of scrimmage. This time she refused to even talk to reporters about whether or not she was briefed on ‘enhanced interrogation.’ “
John Doe: “The ‘big uglies’ blocking for Pelosi appear to be upset. And I don’t blame them. Forget what I said about her being a gamer. That was gutless. She dug this hole that Team Anti-American Scum finds themselves in, and now instead of trying to get them out by making a big play, she runs out of bounds. What a sissy. Oh, oh! Coach Obamster is chewing Pelosi out from the sidelines. She’s walking dejectedly back to the huddle, and boy is she getting an earful from Coach Obamster. I’ll bet she won’t try that dimwitted move again. It looks to me like the wheels have come off the wagon for Team Anti-American Scum.”
APA: “Well, John, it’s fourth down and about a mile to go. Time for Team Anti-American Scum to punt, don’t you think?
John Doe: “Absolutely. Only a complete moron would go for it on fourth and a mile so deep in enemy territory. I expect that we’ll see the punting team come on. Yup, here they come. Wait a minute. Isn’t that Pelosi still in the huddle? She isn’t normally on the punting team. I expect a trick play.”
APA: “The punter goes back to kick. The ball is snapped, the rush is on…WAIT! It’s a fake, the ball is lateraled to Pelosi, she’s got the edge! She’s running down the sidelines. She has a wall of blockers in front of her! (f.n. 1). Her blockers include Reps. Anna Eshoo (Calif.), John Tierney (Mass.), Rush Holt (N.J.), Mike Thompson (Calif.), Alcee Hastings (Fla.), Janice Schakowsky (Ill.) and Adam Smith (Wash.). They claim that that the CIA has repeatedly lied to Congress for the past several years. As proof, they point out that CIA Director Leon Panetta has recently briefed Congress about a ‘top secret program’ that was run by the Bush Administration and about which the Congress was never informed. It looks like she may make it all the way for a first down. But suddenly the smokescreen is so thick–I can’t see Pelosi anymore!”
John Doe: “I can’t see her, either, but it looks like it is Katy bar the door time! I don’t see anything stopping Pelosi before she streaks past that first down marker!”
APA: “I still can’t see Pelosi for all the smoke, but the MSM is pronouncing it a ‘First Down!’ It turns out that Pelosi’s blockers successfully provided a smoke-screen to make it appear that the CIA had indeed lied to Pelosi! What a play!”
John Doe: “I gotta agree, Anonymous. I’ve seen some good plays in my eighty-plus years, but I haven’t seen one like that since Momma came down off the ferris wheel and bought me my first corn-dog!”
APA: “But wait, John! There seems to be a flag on the field! Somebody called a foul on Pelosi’s blockers! Looks like it is gonna be ‘Holding”! The play is being called back! Fifteen yard penalty, replay the down.”
John Doe: “HOOOOOOLY COWWWWWW! No wonder Pelosi made such a huge gain on the play! Her blockers were blowing smoke up our asses! They were claiming that the CIA lied to Congress. Turns out that the CIA didn’t really lie, they just did not tell Congress about a secret that was just a plan, and that was never implemented! (f.n. 2). No wonder the flag was thrown. How is ‘not informing Congress’ about a plan that was never implemented ‘lying to Congress’? That was about as underhanded a move as I’ve seen since Billy Bob burned down the barn and blamed it on Bobby Ray!”
APA: “Well said, John Doe. Looks like Team Anti-American Scum is gonna have to punt after all. Unless the MSM continues to cover up what really happened. And unless Americans keep their heads hidden in the sand! Tune in next week to see how this plays out.”
[p.s. by John Doe: So much for heeding Fisherville Mike’s excellant advice about keeping a blog comment “short and sweet.” Sometimes, you just gotta run to daylight.]
(f. n. 1) “Recently you testified that you have determined that top CIA officials have concealed significant actions from all Members of Congress, and misled Members for a number of years from 2001 to this week,” the seven Democratic members wrote Panetta in their June 26 letter. “This is similar to other deceptions of which we are aware from other recent periods.
“In light of your testimony, we ask that you publicly correct your statement of May 15, 2009,” wrote the Democrats. The signers included Reps. Anna Eshoo (Calif.), John Tierney (Mass.), Rush Holt (N.J.), Mike Thompson (Calif.), Alcee Hastings (Fla.), Janice Schakowsky (Ill.) and Adam Smith (Wash.).
(f.n. 2) “But [Representative, Republican, MI] Hoekstra apparently did not share Reyes’s concern.
“Appearing on Mark Levin’s nationally syndicated radio show last night, Hoekstra said the behavior of House Democrats regarding Panetta’s briefing was “strange.”
“But the briefing we were in, Mark, was one where Leon Panetta, the director of the CIA, called and asked to brief the committee on an issue that he thought was important, came in, briefed us on a program that had had some planning done on it,” Hoekstra told Levin. “But the program had never taken place. The program had never been briefed to Congress. And so some Democrats are now saying: ‘See they’re withholding information from us. They’re not telling us everything that’s going on.’
“Mark, this was a program that was planned, there was some planning that was going on, but as people in the intelligence community looked at it, they said: ‘Nah, this thing will never work. It’s never going to fly,’” said Hoekstra. “So they never implemented the program. So, basically, they are raising all this fuss about a program that never happened.”
Hoekstra went on to say: “The important thing is that it never happened.”
“So, it’s not like they misled us and they did something and they never told Congress,” said Hoekstra. “They did some planning and then they decided not to do the program.”
….”Sen. Kit Bond (R.-Mo.), the vice chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee, issued a statement yesterday saying he suspects House Democrats issued their letters attacking the CIA this week in an effort “to cover up” for Speaker Pelosi’s unsubstantiated accusations against the agency.”
“These letters from House Democrats about Director Panetta’s briefing are not only ridiculous, they are highly irresponsible,” said Bond.
“This action appears to be an attempt to cover up for Speaker Pelosi’s faulty memory and baseless accusations about the hardworking men and women of the CIA, and to encourage the press to dig up information on a classified intelligence briefing.
“Such a blatant use of classified national security information for partisan political purposes is unfortunate, and rather pathetic,” said Bond.
“No wonder some in the intelligence community believe that members of Congress cannot be trusted with classified information,” he said.
John Doe commentary: “BIFF! BANG! Ka-POW!”