Ump: “Play ball! Hey, pitcher, I’ve always been a fan of yours.”
Pitcher: “Thanks, man. I’ll give you an autograph after the game.”
Batter: “Gulp.”
Ump: “STEEEERIKE ONE!”
Batter: “But he hasn’t even thrown the first pitch yet!”
Ump: “You are OUTTA HERE!”
Umpire caught "empathizing" with the opposing team
Batter: “What for? I didn’t do anything.”
Batter’s coach arrives from dug out: “Yeah, what for. He didn’t do anything!”
Ump: “For arguing balls and strikes. You know he isn’t allowed to dispute my judgment calls.”
Batter’s coach: “But that wasn’t a ‘judgment call,’ the pitcher had not even thrown the first pitch!”
Ump: “Yeah, but I’m so empathetic to him and his team that I just knew the first pitch would be a strike. Besides, if it was even close, I was going to call it a strike. Heck, even if it wasn’t close, I was going to call it a strike. I make the rules here. A strike is what we umpires call it. Umm. Maybe I shouldn’t be saying this. This is on T.V.”
Batter’s coach, while trotting back to the dugout: “It’s gonna be a long game. Who the hell ever made Sotomayor an umpire, anyway?”
Smash Mouth Politics 