Exploring the depths of her depravity with Vivian Paige

Previously we explored her support for “equal rights for GLBTs.”  In the second of this continuing series, today this intrepid reporter interviewed her in regards to her unambiguous support for equal rights for thieves.

John Doe: “Ms. Paige, can you explain how you, a supposed Christian, or at least one who plays one on her blog, can support equal rights for thieves?”

Vivian Paige: “Well, John, thieves are people too. And most of us can’t help it. Nobody is really harmed by theft. So why do we lock thieves up and stigmatize them with criminal records?”

J.D.: “But Ms. Paige, stealing does hurt the one who is stolen from, doesn’t it?”

V.P.: “Not really. Those who have too much deserve to lose some of their excess. Sorta like taxes.  Steal from the rich, give to yourself  if you are poor.  And stealing from corporations is sort of like advertizing–it’s part of the cost of doing business.”

J. D.: “Could you explain how stealing is similar to advertizing?” (My jaw dropped a little at this point.)

V.P.: “Sure, Johnny Boy: Take this necklace I’m wearing. You like it? (I nodded–herring bone tri-color gold has always been a personal favorite of mine.)  I got it on a five-finger discount from Walmart. I told all my family and friends. But I explained that they have to buy some stuff so as not to look too suspicious.  Lurking at the gold display case draws attention real fast.  So all my crew “shops” at Walmart now. And they buy a lot of stuff. And if they are unsuccessful stealing stuff at the same time, or if they get caught, Walmart keeps the stuff they were trying to liberate. So surely Walmart isn’t hurt in those instances.  Walmart gets good ‘advertizing’ for a fair price, me and my crew get some “discounted” items, everybody wins.”  

J.D.: “But Ms. Paige, how do you square stealing with your purported belief in the God of the Bible?”

V.P.: “Well, John, you just assume that I am a Christian, because my father was a preacher, and I often re-publish his old sermons on my blog. I have no comment on whether or not I am a Christian. Besides, the Bible does not condemn thievery in any way.”

J. D.: “Umm, what about the Ten Commandments? You shall not steal?”

V.P.: “Aww, that is in the Old Testament.  My Bible says ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’  Jesus forgave the adultress that the Pharisees wanted to have stoned.  He said, ‘Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.’ John 8:7.”

J.D.: “He also told her afterwards, ‘Go now and leave your life of sin.’ John 8:8.”

V.P.: “Details, details. And Johnny, you sure are a persistent little punk. If I and my friends want to be lesbians and thieves, what difference is it to you? Who died and made you our boss? You social cons sure try to stick your noses into other peoples’ business.” (She was starting to get animated, and the decible level of her voice was rising.)

J.D.: “Yes, Ms. Paige. I did not mean to disturb you. Just trying to see your, ahem, ‘interesting’ point of view. Now I see why you are a liberal Democrat, and a good one at that. But could you at least not post those sermons of your father’s? Or at least post a disclaimer that you do not claim to be a Christian? After all, a Christian should not be trying to claim that God does not condemn homosexual acts and theft and the like, should they?”

V.P. “Get the #^%$ out of here, you little *&^#%!!! Who the &^$^% are you to *&^^^*% tell me what I &^%^%# put in my blog, you *^*$ %^ dirty ^$##^&!!!”

I wisely left her office. Hopefully, she will cool down a little before my next interview. Tune in next time, when Vivian Paige tries to justify why dirty old men who love to sexually assault pre-pubescent boys deserve “equal rights,” too.  

[Editors’ note: some or all of this interview may be totally made up in the mind of John Doe. He gets disturbed when purported Christians try to push for “equal rights” for perverts. And our lawyer says to inform all ya’ll readers:  just consider this Jerry Falwell v. Hustler Magazine-type parody.] 

And p.s. [This is a private message just to Ms. Paige. Everybody else STOP reading: It is still not too late to either turn from your wicked

Just for you, Ms. Vivian

Just for you, Ms. Vivian

ways. Or to at least not lead others astray by letting them think you are a Christian espousing this bullshit. Here, print this “Certificate of DeBaptism” and proudly proclaim that you reject the faith of your Father! You want to support sinners, you want to publicly advocate the justness of their position, quit misleading others into thinking that you are acting in accordance of the will of God. ]

2 responses to “Exploring the depths of her depravity with Vivian Paige

  1. John, wonderful interview, you should do more ! Maybe you can interview the owner of this http://www.gaypatriot.net/ blog…you guys would have SO MUCH to talk about!

    have a great weekend and tell all your military friends we said THANK YOU !

  2. Pingback: Is Smash Mouth Politics too edgy for BlogNetNews? « Smash Mouth Politics

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