by John Doe for Smash Mouth Politics
(2009-03-19) — Obama “birth truthers” have filed another law suit against Barack Hussein Obama. But this new law suit has nothing to do with President Obama’s birth certificate. This one was filed in the Eastern District of Virginia (Alexandria Division, Case No. Civil 09-0357987) and it alleges that President Obama did not actually win the election against John McCain, his Republican opponent. The complicated theory in essence complains that President Obama perpetuated a fraud upon the voters of the United States. Recent events have made even the most partisan Obama supporters realize that Mr. Obama cannot think and speak on his own. In fact, Mr. Obama’s legal team has admitted as much in their Response to the Truther’s Complaint. See here. The Truthers’ Complaint builds upon this undeniable observable fact and alleges that the U.S. voters were hoodwinked into voting for the person that they thought was mouthing the pleasant platitudes coming from Mr. Obama during the presidential campaign, but that in fact the words mouthed by Mr. Obama were not his. The Truthers’ Complaint seeks to have President Obama thrown out of office, and either to have John McCain sworn into office in his stead, or to have the person who runs President Obama’s teleprompter sworn in instead.
Presidential mouthpiece David Axelrod had this to say: “Obviously, President Obama is no Rush Limbaugh when it comes to extemporaneous speaking. And, duh! President Obama is rather ‘attached’ to his teleprompter. But there is no one person who is responsible for the teleprompter. Even more damning to the Truthers’ claims, there is no one person responsible for the content of the words that appear on the teleprompter. Granted, President Obama has virtually zero input into what appears on the teleprompter–he merely reads the words, and is severely rebuked whenever he deviates from what appears on the teleprompter–but my point is that there is no one person to install in his place because a multitude of us are responsible for him saying flowery things during the campaign. Last I looked, the Constitution doesn’t call for a bevy of political pundits to be installed as President of the United States.” (He said with a smirk.)
Later that day, President Obama was caught unaware on his way to the gym to play hoops with his “bros.” In response to questions about “Teleprompter-gate,” Mr. Obama appeared somewhat flustered: “Can I just eat my waffle? Er, ugh, um, I inherited this teleprompter from my, uh, er, uh, the previous, um, President. If words, er, sentences are, uh, mistakenly appearing when I have heads of state as guests, um, it is not my fault.” Presidential aides were then seen trying to catch the Presidents attention, giving him the cut sign.
Republican candidate McCain had no comment. His daughter Meghan, however, had this to say: “I’ve only been a Republican for a couple of months, but I have known my father for most of my life. I’m sure I speak for him and my mother in saying that even a teleprompter is smarter than ‘Dad.’ And did I mention that Ann Coulter is an ugly bitch, and that I am, like, soooo hurt that Laura Ingraham called me a little fatty?”
Jeff Frederick, head of the RPV, claimed off the record that whoever is responsible for the Teleprompter, whether it be one or a gaggle of little liberals working together, that they probably all were best buds with a certain reformed terrorist from Chicago.
Famous Democratic activist Lowell Fulk cheered Obama nevertheless. “He’s handsome, articulate–when he reads the teleprompter–he’s black, and, oh, did I mention he is handsome?”
George Soros, purported master-mind behind installing President Obama as the figurehead for the Soros’ Administration had nothing to say on the record. But inside sources have independently verified that he had this to say: “I’m shocked–SHOCKED–that Barry is lost without his Teleprompter!”