How “open-minded” are you?

Please read the entire short comment before passing judgment. Bruce loves something unusual. This gets a little gross, but bear with it.  This is Bruce’s story:

Every since I was a young boy, I knew I was different. Other children shit1liked chocolate, peppermint and gummy bears. I liked dog shit. I couldn’t help it, I was born this way. 

At first, I hid my prediliction.  On walks with friends, when I saw a good fresh steaming pile of pooh, I’d carefully mark the location in my mind and steal back when nobody was watching, and “harvest” my next desert (or main meal, as the case may be).  I begged my parents to allow us to get a dog, to no 1234544663244avail. So I carefully cultivated friends who had dogs. And then waited. If you know what I mean.

As I grew older, and more aware, I suddenly realized that others were just like me. I still recall the moment that I knew that I was not alone, that I was not some evil pervert, that others “got me” and were just like me. I was walking home from school and some chick had her cocker spaniel on a leash doing his duty. And, I swear to God this is true, another guy who was two years ahead of me in high school was eyeballing what was happening, too. At first I thought he was just scoping out the girl’s ass, as would be typical of most guys his age. But the chick and her (rather hot) dog left, he kept his attention directed on the dog shit instead of the chick. I was too shocked to be protective of my  next meal.

You could have knocked me over with a feather. “He wants that dog exhibit1_bigshit too” I thought to myself with a smile. I guess he must have sensed me looking, because he looked at me, and was at first embarrassed. Then  he was defiant. Then, awareness washing over him, he gave me a wry grin and a nod. Glancing once more at the pile of pooh, he walked away with a definite hitch in his step.

Oh happy day! I was gay with my new-found understanding! I was not alone! Others loved dog shit too! With my new-found knowledge that I was not alone, I paid more attention and was astonished by what I saw. Businessmen, teachers, cops, hairdressers, college professors, actors, all love dog shit. I was astounded. We dog shit lovers are everywhere!

One day in my very first semester at college, I saw a professor walking his little poodle. I was just lurking, hoping that he would get along down the road and leave me alone to harvest some rather good looking poopie. Instead, he lingered over the steaming pile. His poodle was ready to move on down the road, but the professor wasn’t. I actually heard him inhale, like a wine connoisseur over a fine Bordeaux.  Then he saw me looking. Again, he was at first embarrassed, then immediately defiant for a fleeting moment. And then that exact same sly grin I had seen years earlier, and the knowing nod of his head. He knew, and I knew.

And then he did something I had never seen before–he made a maneuver that I would come to recognize as “our sign.” He put his hand to his nose, apparently sniffing his knuckle, then while still sniffing moved from the knuckle of his middle finger the length of the finger to the finger tip. Then he smiled and looked me directly in the eye. I held his glaze but obviously did not smile quickly enough. He gave one last glance at that glorious pile of pooh, then at me, and moved along.

I later learned that that maneuver was the classic signal amongst we dog shit lovers to show our love of dog excrement.  It comes from those of us lucky enough to actually have dogs. Sometimes, when dog shit is scarce, before the lovely carrier of what we love is ready for his or her next bowel movement, the lucky owner will stick his or her finger up the doggie’s butt. Ahhhhh. The instant gratification of doggie pooh. The smell, the taste! Oh glorious day! Some of us have been known to not wash our hands after such a digital insertion for hours. Of course, this being a society that doesn’t accept our forbidden love yet, we, alas and alack, must of course wash our hands. But we still remember what our fingers smelled like, before being forced to wash. We still occasionally give a phantom sniff at our fingers. But we also use it as a signal. When we sense another who is also a dog poop lover, we casually give “the sign.” If the other is a dog poop lover, he or she gives a wry grin and a nod; if not, the gesture is not noticed, and all is well.

It has now been decades since I discovered my curse and my blessing. I KNOW I was born this way. Nobody is harmed. The dogs don’t complain. I have never been sick–well, only a couple of times, and once I needed to be de-wormed–after eating dog shit. But I don’t need the Government telling me I can’t eat dog shit. And I don’t need your condemnation. Who are you to tell me what I do is disgusting? I long for the day that dog poopy eating is just the same as heterosexual and homosexual marriage.

I am not a freak. I am your neighbor, you teacher, your hairdresser, your favorite actor! I just like dog shit, ok? Who in the world could be disgusted by what I do? It is perfectly natural, dogs shit and humans eat, ok? Why waste a good k-9 b.m. when people are starving in Africa? you aren’t against recycling, are you? You aren’t some self-righteous social conservative bigot, are you?  [The end of Brucie’s story]

Can you imagine if Hollywood actors said “Not that there is anything wrong with it” after every time they identified someone who engaged in this behavior. Or politicians who bowed and scraped to people who engaged in this type of behavior, “This is an alternative life-style that deserves nothing less than our whole-hearted acceptance! We hereby legislate that dog poopie is officially recognized as a part of the basic food groups.” Or if every one who was disgusted by this type of behavior was labeled a doggiephobe or a anti-dog bigot? Or if we legislated that taxpayers must subsidize this behavior? FREE! GOVERNMENT MUST PAY FOR DOG POOP FOR EVERYBODY!

Is it a matter of being “open-minded” vs. closed-minded? Have we lost our ability to be disgusted by certain types of behavior? Or are others disgusted too, but they just fear being called names?  IF you have read this far, have you already mentally checked off this blog as a place you will never frequent again, because you are shocked I am even asking these questions?

Well, before you go, our society is going down the tubes, fast. There are already freaks out there who if not this particular brand of fetish have other, “worse” fetishes. In our culture it is almost “cool” or “hip” to condemn people for wearing fur, or smoking, or “being closed-minded.”  While it might be imprudent to make “eating dog shit” illegal, can’t we at least go back to where it is acceptable to say “OH, GROSS! THAT’S DISGUSTING! If you want to do that, at least do it in a location where decent people don’t have to watch it or smell it or be exposed to it. And hell no we are not going to find what you do acceptable if it really disgusts us. We aren’t gonna lie to you. We aren’t gonna try to make it out like you are “cool” or “hip”.  You eat dog shit, for crying out loud. And brush your teeth bitch! “

Having said all this, can you at least see why some people find such behavior offensive? Can you see why some might not want to rent homes to such people? Or to hire such people? Or have such people teach their young children, or lead their children’s boy scout pack? Can you be “open minded” enough to see why some of us might not feel like being “tolerant” of such behavior? 



4 responses to “How “open-minded” are you?

  1. In America, I HAVE THE RIGHT to be disgusted by the actions of others. I will tell you if you do something that I do not feel is correct, then YOU have the right to be pissed at me …BUT, be ware, I hit back.

  2. I enjoy watching dogs poo and playing with fresh warm steaming dog turds. 😉

  3. I love coprophagy, eat rabbit cecotropes, Cecals very tasty useful many vitamins

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