Ask Uncle Lowell (the Progressive A**hole)

pervertAs a new service to our readers, we offer a guest commentator who gives advice to the general public.

Dear Uncle Lowell:  Obama gets me hot. Just thinking about him providing me with free health insurance, extended unemployment insurance, paying my mortgage and giving me tax refunds when I didn’t pay any taxes “sends a thrill up my leg.”  Am I a “bad boy”? Bruce in Boise.

Dear Bruce: No, you are just a typical Democrat. Why would you ever vote for a politician unless he gives you stuff?  Who cares who pays for it? I guarandamntee you it won’t be you or me. Your loving Uncle Lowell.

Dear Uncle Lowell: Why are Republicans such bad people? Why is Rush Limbaugh such a meany? I want to kill them all.  Bubby in Harrisonburg, VA.

Dear Bubby: Me too. But don’t tell anybody. XXOOXX, Uncle Lowell.

Dear Uncle Lowell: Why are conservatives so judgmental? I can’t help the way I was born. God made me this way.  The Bible doesn’t say “Thou shalt not fornicate with a corpse.” Why do conservatives always try to legislate morality? JGFitzgerald  Anonymous, somwhere in Virginia.

Dear JG Anonymous: I agree with you 100%. See you this Saturday night. 😉 Your buddy, Lowell.

Dear Uncle Lowell: So I like carpet munching, big deal. Why do conservatives make such a big deal out of it? Toni D, somewhere in America.

Dear Toni D: Hmmm. I don’t like women, but if I did, I could relate, sorta. Anyway, Pubs are bad. Vote for Dems! Obama rocks! Respectfully, Uncle Lowell.

Dear Uncle Lowell: I want to “be cool” and be liked by all my liberal college mates. My parents were always Republicans, but now I’m considering a switch. What should I do? “Wavering Republican” (in some Junior College that nobody ever heard of).

Dear Wavering: How old are you? Can you send me a photo? I’d like to get to know you. VERY VERY SINCERELY, Uncle Lowell

[all names have been changed to protect the guilty. just parody, kids, ala falwell v. flynt. 😉  ]

8 responses to “Ask Uncle Lowell (the Progressive A**hole)

  1. Speaking of progressive A holes, I’m not missing valley progressive’s bi-polar outrages.

  2. Somewhere a valley is missing an idiot.

  3. Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain — and most fools do.

  4. Dale C, the liberal blogosphere is a “target rich environment” for CCandC. And lighten up, this is all a joke. [as I drool on my keyboard while my knuckles dragged the floor.]

  5. Dear Uncle Kracker…uh Lowell, I miss you and your wife, you have done so much for us and our country. That being said, WHY THE HELL DO YOU SUPPORT SOCIALISM?

    Love, Frankie Boy

  6. Frankie has a way wiff words.

    p.s. Lowell, buddyyyyy. I love you man. But Lowell the Progressive uh, um, misguieded guy didn’t have the same ring to it!

  7. Pingback: SIGNS FOR THE JON STEWART RALLY | Smash Mouth Politics

  8. Pingback: Lowell Folk, flaming asshole | Smash Mouth Politics

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