As a new service to our readers, we offer a guest commentator who gives advice to the general public.
Dear Uncle Lowell: Obama gets me hot. Just thinking about him providing me with free health insurance, extended unemployment insurance, paying my mortgage and giving me tax refunds when I didn’t pay any taxes “sends a thrill up my leg.” Am I a “bad boy”? Bruce in Boise.
Dear Bruce: No, you are just a typical Democrat. Why would you ever vote for a politician unless he gives you stuff? Who cares who pays for it? I guarandamntee you it won’t be you or me. Your loving Uncle Lowell.
Dear Uncle Lowell: Why are Republicans such bad people? Why is Rush Limbaugh such a meany? I want to kill them all. Bubby in Harrisonburg, VA.
Dear Bubby: Me too. But don’t tell anybody. XXOOXX, Uncle Lowell.
Dear Uncle Lowell: Why are conservatives so judgmental? I can’t help the way I was born. God made me this way. The Bible doesn’t say “Thou shalt not fornicate with a corpse.” Why do conservatives always try to legislate morality? JGFitzgerald Anonymous, somwhere in Virginia.
Dear JG Anonymous: I agree with you 100%. See you this Saturday night. 😉 Your buddy, Lowell.
Dear Uncle Lowell: So I like carpet munching, big deal. Why do conservatives make such a big deal out of it? Toni D, somewhere in America.
Dear Toni D: Hmmm. I don’t like women, but if I did, I could relate, sorta. Anyway, Pubs are bad. Vote for Dems! Obama rocks! Respectfully, Uncle Lowell.
Dear Uncle Lowell: I want to “be cool” and be liked by all my liberal college mates. My parents were always Republicans, but now I’m considering a switch. What should I do? “Wavering Republican” (in some Junior College that nobody ever heard of).
Dear Wavering: How old are you? Can you send me a photo? I’d like to get to know you. VERY VERY SINCERELY, Uncle Lowell
[all names have been changed to protect the guilty. just parody, kids, ala falwell v. flynt. 😉 ]