How he sees himself working in the Oval Office: [Thinking to himself, “Hmm, where is ‘The Obama Girl’ now? Hey, if Monica could fit under there…”]
But how our enemies see him:
[But I digress. Sometime in the past several days, in the Oval Office with Rahm Emanuel.]
“OK, Mr. President–he he, Barry, it still feels weird calling you Mr. President–Nancy and Harry say they need you to talk down the economy, make everything into a crisis, so they can pass the Pork, er Stimulus Package.”
[Thinks to himself: Hmmm. Crisis I can DO! For the next several days, at every speech and press conference…]
…”We are in a crisis!…We are in the midst of the worst recession since the Great Depression…this is a crisis…we are in a banking crisis! …We are in a housing crisis!…we are in an employment crisis! THE WHOLE WORLD IS GOING TO HELL!!!!” [ How was THAT for creating a crisis? ]
The markets crash. They caught Barry’s drift.
The housing market kept crashing. Barry did say this is a crisis.
The “Consumer Confidence Index” fell through the floor. Confidence? During a “CRISIS”? Surely you jest.
Employers laid off workers in droves. “We can’t afford no stupid workers during a “CRISIS”!
[Days later, again Emanuel speaks privately to our Hero.]
“Ruh ruh, Rastro! Soros wants to have a word with you. Said something about over-doing this “crisis” shit! Barry, prepare yourself, Bro.
George Soros, liberal billionaire and biggest contributor to our Heroe’s election campaign: “WHAT THE FUCK were you doing the past few days?!! I told Harry and Nancy to have you talk up the crisis a little bit, not send the stock market into a free fall! Some of us still have money in the market!!!”
“OK, BOY, here is what I want you to do. Go out there in the “Joint Sessions of Congress Address” and start acting positive. You little monkey boy: No more of this crisis crisis CRISIS bullshit! You HEAR ME BOY? B Hussein, I’m TALKING TO YOU! Wipe that crack dazed look off your face.”
[Still in the Oval Office, after Soros leaves.]
“That was rough, Barry. If it is any consolation, while he was looking at you I was thumbing my nose at him. But after he gave us $27 million to get you elected, that is about all we can do to him.”
“MAN, Rahm, I need a smoke after that ass-reamin! Why did I ever give up smokin crack anyway? The guy told me to do “CRISIS”, I did crisis. How was I supposed to know it would cause the markets to tank? I’m just a community organizer from Chicago!”
[Later, still in the Oval Office, shortly before our Hero gave his speech last night to the Joint Members of Congress.] ” I don’t know if I can do this. Shit, I have zero credibility after whining about “CRISIS CRISIS CRISIS” for the past few weeks. Suddenly, I’m supposed to make like everything is fine?”
[Headed out to the podium.] “I can’t do this. I’m gonna be sick. I’m gonna puke. I can’t do this. I’m tired of that fat bastard Soros owning me, telling me what to do, ordering me around, calling me monkey boy. Why did I take his $27 million? I can’t do this. I’m gonna be sick. I’m gonna puke. Why didn’t I just stick to Mau-Mauing evil corporations back in Chicago? I can’t do this. I’m gonna be sick. I REALLY AM GOING TO PUKE!”
[But somehow our Hero made it to the podium and delivered his speech!]
[Somewhere during the middle of speech, our Hero said: “Blah blah blah YES WE CAN blah blah blah WE ARE THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD blah blah blah” [Then, during a particularly thunderous applause by lackey democrat lawmakers, President Obama thinks to himself: “OMFG! They are lapping this shit up! They are either the world’s ‘Greatest Deliberative Body of Dumbasses’, or the best actors and actresses in the world! I have a hard time keeping a straight face! And, oh, shit, how I kept from laughing at that loopy-looking Pelosi is beyond me. What kind of drugs is she on? I want some! Ooooops. Applause is dying down. Focus, Hussein, focus!”] And he resumed his speech: “My Fellow Americans, yes we can! Blah blah blah!”…
[That’s all for this week!]