AP – 33 mins ago
PODUNK VIRGINIA– Local gadfly Myron Rhodes has been arrested and charged with assault, brandishing a weapon and child endangerment for an incident that took place when he flagged down the limo that was carrying gubernatorial candidate Terry McAuliffe this weekend. Police say Mr. Rhodes was semi-cooperative as they handcuffed him, took him into custody and performed a cavity search on him. Allegedly his actions have all been caught on tape and are circulating throughout the internet.
Terry McAuliffe was at first reluctant to speak about the incident. “Frankly, the guy looked like the banjo player in ‘Deliverance.’ It wasn’t until I saw his wife that I calmed down and stopped hyperventilating. I tried to reason with the guy and even posed with the weapon that he was brandishing. I don’t remember everything that I said, but I tried to bullshit him into believing that I was a hunter and a regular guy just like him. But I’m telling you, my shorts were stained after coming so close to a guy that looked that nutty who was packing a shotgun and a stupid looking sign. I’m catching the first jet back to the city and never going back to within 100 miles of that crazy s.o.b.”
Sheriff Don Farley, Rockingham County Virginia had this to say: “We’ve always known that Myron is a little bit wacky. Who can forget the hornet incident where he grabbed a hornet’s nest that was bigger than the belly of that woman who had octuplets and carried it away in full view of his children? What kind of father acts that way in front of his children? And who brandishes a gun in front of the next Governor of Virginia–while dressed up like a mountain man–in front of his children? This guy is a menace to society and he can’t be tolerated any longer!”
Lowell Fulk, local Democrat cheerleader, was ecstatic about Mr. Rhodes being locked up. “I’ve been trying to drag this county into the twenty-first century for years, and Myron has been a constant drag on my efforts. As a typical ‘Progressive’, I don’t care how we get rid of political opponents, or what happens to them, so long as we get rid of them.”
Mrs. Rhodes did not care to comment but she did seem somewhat relieved to have her husband taken away in handcuffs. Mr. Rhodes is being held without bond and is currently a bunk mate of some person known affectionately as “Bubba.” Allegedly Mr. Rhodes is unrepentant, and believes that he has a perfect right to scare the bejeebers out of every city-slicker who happens to drive by his little hole in the wall shack.
[this is satire, friends. Myron so far as I know enjoys a sterling reputation amongst the community that he lives in. Not sure the same can be said about Lowell.]
[p.s. Just kidding Lowell. Sort of.]
UPDATE: NOTE TO MORONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS A JOKE!