A. P. News February 20, 2009: In what will undoubtedly be a shock to all the homosexuals in America, the student body of GWU voted almost unanimously to select Barbie Lou Harris as the “Mr. Gay Boy America” Pageant college representative. Barbie Loue as she is known to her fans was unapologetic for her entry and win of the contest. “Heck, I’m more of man than most girly-men liberals. And those faggots they ran against me are a joke. I can smoke, chew, shoot and go out with other boys who do too, better than those pole smokin ass swishin bitch wannabes. I’m prettier, more manly aaaaand I can kick the ass of any faggot who votes against me.”
Jerome and Johnnie, two of Barbie Lou’s “competitors” were not so happy about losing to a female.
Said Jerome: “The little biiiiiiitch! This is supposed to be a men’s only competition! How would she like it if I left the seat up after I shaved my legs in the Women’s Room? She isn’t equipped to be a man, so she shouldn’t be in this “Men’s only” competition. Besides, did you see her roots? Not cool!”
Johnnie was even less diplomatic: “I’ll scratch that little bitch’es eyes out if she even looks at my William! He is like, so close to coming out of the closet. I think. I caught him looking at me. I know, he’s a hetero freak for right now. But he wants me. I’m sure of it!”
Elsewhere, William was quoted as being quite impressed by Barbie Lou: “Hell, if you are gonna join a faggot contest, at least out-do the queers. She did. And she does have nice legs. And, like, I really love her manly shoulders.”
The rest of the student body just thought they were cool. A typical response: “We are soooo sophisticated. The entire nation now knows that! Kewl.”