Ask Uncle Lowell (the Progressive A**hole)

As a new service to our readers, we offer a guest commentator who gives advice to the general public.

Dear Uncle Lowell:  Obama gets me hot. Just thinking about him providing me with free health insurance, extended unemployment insurance, paying my mortgage and giving me tax refunds when I didn’t pay any taxes “sends a thrill up my leg.”  Am I a “bad boy”? Bruce in Boise.

Dear Bruce: No, you are just a typical Democrat. Why would you ever vote for a politician unless he gives you stuff?  Who cares who pays for it? I guarandamntee you it won’t be you or me. Your loving Uncle Lowell.

Dear Uncle Lowell: Why are Republicans such bad people? Why is Rush Limbaugh such a meany? I want to kill them all.  Bubby in Harrisonburg, VA.

Dear Bubby: Me too. But don’t tell anybody. XXOOXX, Uncle Lowell.

Dear Uncle Lowell: Why are conservatives so judgmental? I can’t help the way I was born. God made me this way.  The Bible doesn’t say “Thou shalt not fornicate with a corpse.” Why do conservatives always try to legislate morality? JGFitzgerald  Anonymous, somwhere in Virginia.

Dear JG Anonymous: I agree with you 100%. See you this Saturday night. Your buddy, Lowell.

Dear Uncle Lowell: So I like carpet munching, big deal. Why do conservatives make such a big deal out of it? Toni D, somewhere in America.

Dear Toni D: Hmmm. I don’t like women, but if I did, I could relate, sorta. Anyway, Pubs are bad. Vote for Dems! Obama rocks! Respectfully, Uncle Lowell.

Dear Uncle Lowell: I want to “be cool” and be liked by all my liberal college mates. My parents were always Republicans, but now I’m considering a switch. What should I do? “Wavering Republican” (in some Junior College that nobody ever heard of).

Dear Wavering: How old are you? Can you send me a photo? I’d like to get to know you. VERY VERY SINCERELY, Uncle Lowell

[all names have been changed to protect the guilty. just parody, kids, ala falwell v. flynt.   ]

How come the Democraps never fight with Michael Moore

or dailykos or huffingtonpost or NY Times or MSNBC or anybody else in the MSM? Because all Democraps walk in lock-step and think exactly like those people. Can’t fight amongst brain dead lemmings.  

Famous Abraham Lincoln Quotations

Since the big-eared wonder boy fancies Honest Abe so much:

“I can’t spare this man, he fights!” Lincoln, to Grant’s critics.  [That's why Limbaugh's liberal critics hate him--he fights.]

About complaints that General Grant drank too much:  “Tell me what brand of whiskey that Grant drinks. I would like to send a barrel of it to my other generals.”  [Tell me what painkillers Rush takes, I should like to send a box to each of the Republican elected officials.]

“If you don’t want to use the army, I should like to borrow it for a while. Yours respectfully, A. Lincoln.” Letter to General George B. McClellan, whose lack of activity during the US Civil War irritated Lincoln. [If you elected Republicans don't want to stand up to Obama, do you mind if we rank and file do?]

“What is conservatism? Is it not adherence to the old and tried, against the new and untried?” Speech, 27 Feb 1860.  [Hush up young un! The Messiah don't wanna hear none a dat dere conservative talk now.]

 

Obligatory snow photos from 3/2/09

“Somewhere in central Virginia…” [Don't laugh Christa.]

[Our home]

Smash Mouth Politics wins ANOTHER award

Award winning blog becoming more famous by the week. This new award is the coveted “Rush Loyalty Award” from the unknown, never heard of, obscure blog site called RockDem, home of such Obama butt-boys as Bubby and JGFitzgerald!  If even a known traitorous libfag blog site as RockDem can recognize the true genius that is Smash Mouth Politics, perhaps there is hope for America!  Famous people read this blog. Can you afford not to?

This comment is dedicated to idiots like Seth who fell for the Obama is a moderate B.S.

And David Brooks.  I. Told. You. So.

“Those of us who consider ourselves moderates — moderate-conservative, in my case — are forced to confront the reality that Barack Obama is not who we thought he was. His words are responsible; his character is inspiring. But his actions betray a transformational liberalism that should put every centrist on notice. As Clive Crook, an Obama admirer, wrote in The Financial Times, the Obama budget “contains no trace of compromise. It makes no gesture, however small, however costless to its larger agenda, of a bipartisan approach to the great questions it addresses. It is a liberal’s dream of a new New Deal.”  David Brooks.

From DirectorBlue:

Global Warming Update

Is THIS the real reason the Dems are apeshit over Limbaugh?

To hide dissension in their ranks in Congress? Not all Dem elected officials drink the liberal Kool Aid being dished out by the Obama Administration and Pelosi and Reid. How ironic if it comes down to elected Democrats to save America from the impending Obamanation.  

“Whites Only” bad. “Blacks Only”? Not so much.

“Whites Only” signs in Niagra Falls New York are criminal offenses.  “Blacks Only” in the “Congressional Black Caucus” is business as usual. Here. And here. Smash Mouth Racist Pigs Award goes to the “Congressional Black Caucus.”

Some phrases that you will never hear from liberals

“Does this make me look too gay?”

“We need to be less partisan.”

“Maybe spending more money won’t solve the problem.”

“Can I donate some of my own money to help?”

“Maybe we are too liberal. Perhaps we should adopt the more moderate position.”

“A liberal radio show is the  most listened to program in America.”

“MSNBC is politically biased.” [Applies equally to NPR, CNN, NYT, Snewsweek/Time/WaPo/LA Times, etc., ad nauseum.] 

“Perhaps paying inner-city women to have babies without marrying the fathers wasn’t such a smart move after all.”

“Your taxes are too high.”

“Guns don’t kill people…”

“…in Jesus’ name, Amen.”

[I'm sure I've missed a few   ]